


Apricity

by RayJay47



Series: Monochromatic series [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Boarding School, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Horny Teenagers, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Otabek Altin & Yuri Plisetsky Are Best Friends, Recreational Drug Use, Soulmates, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenagers, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:11:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12647724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayJay47/pseuds/RayJay47
Summary: Apricity: (n)  the warmth of the sun in winter.Sequel to Monochromatic. Can be read on its own but you might be lost a little. Set 10 years after Monochromatic.Otabek has gotten used to Yuri being gone. As soon as he left for boarding school, the colors he had gotten accustomed to seeing dimmed. He had gotten used to half hearted text messages and Skype cal!s. When Yuri decides to visit, how will Otabek cope?





	1. Hard Left

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Okay guys, I didn't expect so many people to like the first fic. It isn't even done and of has more reads than any of my stories have before. To be honest, I don't know what to fucking expect from this one. A lot less reads, if I'm being honest. I'm just gonna go ahead and publish the first chapter but it will be a while until the others show up. I need to finish the main story lol

Most 18 year olds would be out on a Friday night. Getting drunk at a party, going on a date with a pretty girl, maybe even just going to the movies with some friends. Otabek, on the other hand, was laying alone on his roof.

He likes to come here when everything becomes too much. His mothers nagging, Hayes' attempts at bonding, even Damira was starting to annoy him. When he is up here, he can just lay down and exist for a while.

As a kid, he never was really interested in stars. He thought they were cool, but that was it. Nowadays, he longs for the nights when the sky is clear and he can stare at the constellations.

Even though he tries not to, his eyes always wander to Orion. 

His mind goes back to Yuri. Yuri is the reason he has been spending more time on the roof than normal. It is Nikolai's birthday on Sunday, so Yuri is in town for the weekend. 

It isn't that Otabek doesn't want to see him or anything. He has been dying to see his best friend. It is Yuri that has been distant. He hasn't called Otabek since he arrived, and hasn't responded to his texts.

Otabek sighed and pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He couldn't help but smile as he put the filter between his teeth and got out his lighter. Yuri would slap him if he knew he smoked menthols.

Frankly, Otabek didn't care. He took a drag and put his free arm behind his head. He watched as the smoke danced above him when he exhaled, and hummed as it mixed in with the stars.

He was on his 3rd cigarette when his phone began to ring. He sighed, using the top of the roof as an ashtray. He answered his phone without looking to see who it was. He didn't have to; no one else would call him at one in the morning.

"Good, you are up. Listen, I need you to come pick me up. Viktor is drunk and losing his fucking mind."

Otabek could hear the sound of a party in the background. The music was quiet, and the talking he could hear was angry Russian. Viktor slips into his native tongue when he gets intoxicated.

Yuri himself didn't sound drunk. He only slurred his s'. He does this when he is high.

"Send me your location. I will be there shortly." That was all Otabek said before Yuri hung up.

He tried not to be disappointed. Yuri was 15; he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. If he'd rather smoke pot with his brother than hang out with his best friend, then there was nothing Otabek could do about it.

After putting the address Yuri sent him into his GPS, he carefully climbed down to his window ledge and went into his room. Everyone else was asleep, so he tried to be quiet as he put on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

He went out the back door, making sure to keep it unlocked. He was not about to climb through his window again. He put on his helmet and climbed onto his bike, his leather jacket already on.

Otabek and Yuri haven't seen each other in a year. He was originally supposed to spend Summer with him, Nikolai, and Viktor, but he wasn't allowed. The dean at his boarding school made him take Summer classes to keep from failing.

It is strange, considering how smart he used to be. Otabek assumes it is probably Yuri's attitude that is making him fail. He talks back to his teachers more than anyone he knows.

The ride to the party was a quiet one. There weren't many cars out at this time of night. The lights reflected off of the road, due to the rain they have been having recently. It would have been a peaceful drive if Otabek hadn't been worrying about Yuri the entire time.

What kind of trouble has he gotten himself into this time? Otabek knew it wasn't his first party. Yuri has called him in different stages of drunkenness before. He knows that he likes to get stoned with his friends at the school on the weekends.

Yuri isn't new to parties. It being so bad that he has to have Otabek pick him up is unusual.

He parked next to a large, blue truck and what looked like a cheap mini van. He set his helmet down on his seat and walked towards the house.

The music was loud already. There were some guys standing outside. Some were smoking, others talking. A few had red cups in their hands. None of them were Yuri, so Otabek went inside.

As soon as he opened the door, the music got even louder. It was a newer song with a nice beat, but it had been remixed so many times that the one playing was just annoying. He pushed through a small crowd of people, trying to locate his friend. 

Almost everyone at the party was older than him. Probably college students. What was Yuri doing at a party like this?

There was someone doing a keg stand in the kitchen. In the sitting room, a game of beer pong was going on while people ate brownies on the couch. The hallways were filled with horny couples and a line for the bathroom.

Just as he was starting to get frustrated, he heard a shout from the bathroom. "For fucks sake, Viktor! Give me the damn scissors!"

Otabek followed the sound, having to push a few people to the side. He walked over to the bathroom and had to do a double take. Viktor was sitting on the top of the toilet, crying, with all of his hair cut off.

He must have done it himself, because it was hacked off everywhere. There is no style to it whatsoever. It looked as though he just grabbed the scissors and started cutting.

"What the fuck..." Otabek exclaimed, not taking his eyes off of Viktor.

Yuri groaned in frustration. "I'm not fixing this. You can stay here and pity yourself all you want. I'm out."

Otabek watched as Yuri tossed the scissors into the bathtub and walked out into the hallway. Otabek followed, of course, and was relieved when he saw Yuri talking to Chris. It was a short conversation, just telling him to get Viktor home.

As they made their way outside, Otabek kept quiet. He didn't know what happened, but he knew it wasn't his place to ask. Instead, he focused on Yuri.

He has grown since they last saw each other. It wouldn't be long until he was taller than Otabek. His hair was longer, too. Otabek didn't even know he wanted to grow it out.

"Where is your car?" Yuri asked as they got outside. He wasn't swaying much, but Otabek still noticed. He always noticed.

He just shook his head and led Yuri over to his bike. He didn't even wait for Yuri to react before he was giving him his helmet. He even removed his leather jacket and gave it to Yuri, too. If they were to crash, he'd rather himself get hurt than Yuri.

Wordlessly, Yuri climbed on the back after Otabek. He wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and tightened his hold as Otabek started the bike. 

"I'm glad you called me." Otabek told him.

Yuri scoffed. "Just shut up and drive."


	2. Neon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? People keep bugging me, telling me their questions. Not that I kind hahaha. I love it. Ask me more. (Honestly tuples is like the real MVP)
> 
> Anyways, you know me. Posting shit without even having the fic planned out. Who has time for that? I really just go chapter by chapter until the story just sort of happens. I have no idea where this is going yet, which is why I can't answer any of your questions lol.

Yuri liked to think of himself as a forest fire. Destructive and out of control. To others, that would seem as the wrong image you would want for yourself. For Yuri? It was everything he wanted.

He didn't like being controlled. He hated being seen as an innocent kitten. It pissed him off. So he did whatever he wanted to prove them wrong.

It wasn't hard to convince Viktor to let him go to the party. Mila, who was throwing the party, liked him enough. Yuri was a little uncomfortable when he found out he was the youngest one there, but he didn't let that faze him. He wanted to have fun, damn it.

Yuri was on his 3rd pot brownie and 4th beer when he noticed how drunk his brother had gotten. Viktor is a happy drunk, so he wasn't exactly worried. That is, until he saw what he was drinking.

Sometimes, Yuri swore Viktor had Mexican blood in him or something. Every time he drank tequila, he went nuts. He could drink twice as much vodka and be alright but even a shot of tequila and Viktor would start opening his mouth.

Currently, he was yelling at a guy twice his size, claiming he could fight him. Yuri knew how this would end and quickly got in between them. He used the Nikiforov charm and apologized to the man before grabbing Viktor by the arm.

"Why don't we to outside and get some air, yeah?" He suggested. The tone in his voice let Viktor know that it wasn't really a question.

He huffed and followed Yuri outside of the house. There were a few people standing around, but they didn't bother them. He convinced Viktor to sit down on the ground with him.

Yuri thought back to when he was younger and used to get into one of his moods. Viktor would take him outside to calm him down, and tell him to count the stars. It seemed stupid, but it was all he had.

"Hey, idiot, why don't you try to count the stars?" He said, half smirking.

It didn't have the desired effect, but it worked good enough. Viktor laughed, and looked up at the sky. He went quiet, and Yuri didn't dare break the silence.

He himself looked back up at the sky. The stars he was seeing were swirling in circles. He smiled to himself, pleased with how potent the brownies were. He was too busy focusing on the stars that it took him a while to notice that Viktor was sniffling.

Looking over, Yuri saw the Viktor was crying. He sat up, propping himself up on his elbows as he looked down at his brother.

Viktor was always so strong when they were kids. It still weirds Yuri out when Viktor gets emotional. A sad Viktor was better than an angry Viktor, though.

"What are the tears for, Vitya?" He asked in Russian. It is easier to calm him down this way.

"It was mom who used to tell me to count the stars."

Yuri didn't know how to reply. He tried not to think about his mom too much. Viktor spent more time with her than he did.

"Yeah, well, just don't think about her." He tried. "She doesn't want us anyways."

Viktor nodded a little and went quiet again. Yuri stayed where he was, watching for any change in his brothers face. He was very temperamental when he gets to this point of intoxication.

"You know, she is the reason I grow my hair out. I've always thought her hair was beautiful, and she liked it long."

Yuri saw it as soon as it happened. The shift in his features, the light turning on in his eyes. Viktor was about to fuck something up.

"She always liked my hair long..." He repeated as he sat up.

He looked at Yuri before getting up and heading back inside. Yuri cursed to himself and got up as fast as he could, chasing after his brother.

The party was packed. There were people everywhere, all of them bigger than he was. It was hard to get around, and even harder to follow someone. By the time Yuri got to Viktor, he had locked himself in the bathroom.

"Fuck, Viktor! Open the God damn door!" He shouted as he started banging on the wood. It didn't budge, and there was a line of people annoyed with him.

He came here to have fun. Taking cases of Viktor was NOT fun, and NOT his job. He knew one thing for certain: he wasn't going to stay here longer than he had to.

Before he could tell himself it was a bad idea, he was selecting Otabeks name in his contact list and putting the phone to his ear.

That was one thing that weed did to him. Bad ideas suddenly weren't so bad anymore. Who cares if he was been avoiding Otabek all day? Who cares that sober Yuri has a mental breakdown every time he thinks of Otabek? Who cares that calling him means that he will have to crash at his house? Not Yuri, that's who.

The phone rang twice before Otabek answered. Yuri didn't even wait for him to say hello before he was talking. 

"Good, you are up." He said casually. "Listen, I need you to come pick me up. Viktor is drunk and losing his fucking mind."

They didn't waste time with an actual conversation. As soon as Otabek agreed, Yuri hung up and sent him the address. He didn't think twice and simply put his phone in his back pocket.

He saw red from the corner of his eyes and turned. Mila was leaning against the far wall, chatting with a guy. Yuri really didn't have time for this. He stormed over to her and pulled her away from the guy, much to her protests.

"Yuri, what the fuck-" she didn't even get go finish her sentence before Yuri was talking over her.

"Viktor is drunk and locked himself in the bathroom. Give me the fucking key."

Mila didn't see the severity of the situation, but could hear it in Yuri's voice. She rolled her eyes and walked over to the door. She felt around the top ledge before snatching the key. 

"Real fucking original." Yuri scoffed.

The red head just rolled her eyes again and unlocked the door. She left as Yuri pushed the door open. He stopped, his eyes landing on his older brother.

Viktor was standing in the mirror, tears streaming down his face as he cut off the long strands of his hair. Yuri was so shocked that it took a moment for him to register what Viktor was doing.

"Viktor, stop!" He shouted, grabbing his arm. Viktor struggled, easily pulling his arm free.

They went back and forth like that for a while before Yuri felt his patience slipping. "For fucks sake, Viktor! Give me the damn scissors!"

He lunged at his brother, pinning his arm and grabbing the scissors from his hands. Viktor flopped down on the top of the toilet in defeat. Most of his hair was gone and unevenly cut. 

Nikolai was going to be pissed.

Yuri heard Otabek behind him and gave up. He said a final sentence to Viktor and threw the scissors aside, not caring where they went. He stormed out of the bathroom and went down the hall.

He saw Chris talking to Mila and touched his arm, getting his attention. "I need you to take Viktor back to your place tonight. Do whatever the fuck you want with him."

Chris nodded and looked like he was going to say something, but Yuri really didn't want to hear it. Instead, he walked off and out of the house.

It had been a good while since he had the edibles, and they were starting to hit him pretty hard. He closed his eyes and tried to remind his legs to move. He felt eyes on him and knew it was Otabek. The judgemental prick.

"Where the fuck is your car?" He asked, the words feeling strange leaving his tongue. 

He watched as Otabek went over to a motorcycle and kind of stood there, confused. Since when did Otabek have a motorcycle?

Yuri didn't have time to ask before a helmet was shoved into his hands. Shyly, he put it on. He noticed as Otabek looked at him and bit his lip before removing his jacket, too.

His drug addled brain was making connections to things that weren't there. Otabek was giving him his jacket. He wanted to keep him safe. He thought he was pretty and wanted to date him.

Before he could continue with his thoughts, he slipped on the jacket and climbed on the back of the bike. The jacket had an almost minty smell to it, and Yuri felt as though he was melting in it. His heart rate picked up as Otabek got on and he held onto him. He saw people do it in movies, so he assumed that was what he did. He held on even tighter as the bike started up and Otabek sped off.

Yuri was so fucked.


	3. Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a new system. I have 6 chapters completely written, but this is just the third one published. I just don't want to get behind on my writing. Which in doing anyways. These all differs in lengths. I try not to go over 1550 words per chapter but aim for at least 1200. What donyou guys think? Longer chapters with fewer updates or keep what be been doing?

"Listen, you have to be quiet, okay? Everyone is asleep. We are sneaking in the back door." Otabek said as he hopped off the bike. He took his helmet off of Yuri and set it on top of the seat, but left the jacket on him.

Yuri just stared at him for a few seconds before nodding. He really was out of it. Hopefully they could just get inside without any trouble.

Yuri looked up at the house, not really able to make much of it out. If he was being honest, it looked pretty creepy. Most of the houses in this area did. He remembered visiting it for the first time when he was ten. Otabek and just moved in with his now stepfather, Hayes, and Yuri wanted to be supportive.

Even though it has been 5 years, Yuri never got used to it. When he thought of Otabeks house, he thought of the shitty place he used to live in when they met. This one may be a lot bigger, but it was God damn creepy.

The backdoor was more of a side door. Instead of being in the backyard, it was off on the left side of the house. There was a wooden staircase and a barely there porch. The door led straight into the kitchen, and they can just sneak upstairs from there.

Otabek turned around when they got to the foot of the stairs and put a finger over his mouth. Yuri nodded, knowing he was supposed to be quiet.

He meant to. He really did. However, when he reached the third step, the ground moved in front of him. Yuri moved his foot where he thought the next step was and ended up hitting the edge of it. He tripped, causing himself to land face first on the porch.

"Ow..." He mumbled, even though he didn't felt it.

He heard Otabek curse to himself before he felt strong arms wrap around his torso. Otabek had lifted him up and Yuri forgot how to think. He blinked, staring into Otabeks eyes.

Dry mouth and a numb face were the least of his worries. Otabek was giving him a not so happy look. His mouth tasted like copper and his chin throbbed, but he couldn't convince himself to move.

Yuri wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Otabek holding Yuri up, looking at him. It felt like hours, but in reality, it was probably only a couple minutes.

The older teen shook his head and set Yuri down. He opened the screen door as quickly as he could before pushing the wooden one open. He hadn't even taken a step into the house before he was being attacked with a wooden spoon.

"Ow! Ma! It's me!" Otabek exclaimed, trying to dodge the hits. 

Alia huffed and hit him again. 

"God damn it, Ma." He said, grabbing the spoon. "I was rescuing Yuri."

Yuri took that as his cue and walked into the house. He quietly shut the door behind him, knowing Damira and Hayes were probably still asleep. He stood there awkwardly and looked between the two.

Alia was doing the same thing. Her nose wrinkled and she crossed her arms, an angry look in her eyes. "You boys been smoking?"

Drunk Yuri and stoned Yuri were nothing alike. Yuri took after his mother in the sense that drinking made him tired and stupid. He never got to enjoy parties when he drank, because he always ended up passing out.

Pot, however, didn't do that to him. He comes up with some pretty great stuff when he gets high. Of course, he also becomes a dumbass, but a lovable one. The only problem is that he sucks at hiding it.

So, instead of denying it like a normal person would, Yuri started to laugh

"I sure have, Mrs. Altin." He said, grinning.

A few things happened in a short period of time. Otabek rolled his eyes. Alia slapped Yuri. Otabek picked Yuri up by the waste and sling him over his shoulder.

"I'm taking him to bed. Hopefully he will just sleep it off." Then, they were moving.

Yuri was getting dizzy watching the floor move. He watched as the white tile of the kitchen changed to the dark wood in the hallway. He had to advert his eyes when they got to the stairs, knowing the motion would make him even more nauseated. 

He decided to focus on Otabek instead. To be more particular, his muscles. He was wearing a loose black T-shirt, but Yuri could still see the outlines of his muscles. He could feel the heat coming off of Otabek as he carried him through the house.

By the time Otabek set Yuri down, his mouth was watering. He wasn't even sure why. He was craving cake hard core,but Otabek wasn't a cake.

All thoughts disappeared when Yuri felt hands on him. He hadn't been paying attention and didn't even realize Otabek was talking to him. He probably tried warn him as he was now undressing Yuri.

"I have some old pajama bottoms that should fit you. Just stop squirming." Otabek declared.

It was hard for Yuri to think straight when Otabek was literally taking Yuri's pants off for him. It took him awhile, considering they were leather and full of holes. Next went the jacket, much to Yuri's protests.

"You can put it back on once you are in something cleaner."

He didn't fight it as Otabek removed his shirt. It was a leopard print muscle top and was Yuri's favorite shirt. He was pretty sure he had gotten it as a birthday gift from Otabek himself.

Laying there in nothing but his boxers, Yuri began to giggle. It started off as something small, but soon enough, he couldn't stop it. He kept laughing and laughing even though there wasn't anything funny.

Otabek didn't seem to mind. He had moved over to his closet and gotten Yuri some clothes to wear. It was a little harder to dress him, with how much rolling around he was doing.

"Beka, nooooo...I don't want to wear pants..." Yuri pouted giving Otabek his best puppy dog eyes.

It didn't work. Not in the slightest. "If you are sleeping on my bed, you are gonna be dressed."

Yuri finally gave up and just laid there, letting Otabek do whatever. He had to admit, the pajamas were really comfy. He watched as Otabek went into the closet and got more blankets. He began putting them on the floor, making a pallet.

"What are you doing?" Yuri asked, sitting up.

"You have my bed, so I'm sleeping on the floor."

That just won't do. Yuri can't have Otabek sleep on the floor. This is his house!

It was also cold. Yuri didn't know if Otabek heater was broken or what, but it was freezing. Blankets won't work as well as a human body.

Yuri looked at Otabek pouted, and stuck his arms out. "Why don't you want to lay with me?"

"I don't think that is such a good idea..." Otabek admitted, biting his lip.

Okay, first of all, that was sexy as fuck. Secondly, Otabek had nothing to worry about. They used to share a bed back when all he had was a shitty twin. The mattress Yuri was on now was definitely not a twin, but it was too small to be a queen. What were those called? Fulls?

Anyways, it was big enough for too. So Yuri did the logical thing and rolled over so he was on one side of the bed. 

"Get your ass up here." He commanded. "I'm freezing my dick off."

Late November was an unusually cold for this region. Normally, the temperature would be anywhere between 40°F-75°F (4°C-24°C). Now, they were lucky if it was above freezing.

Yuri couldn't wait to go back north where the beater always worked and it was nice and warm. Boarding school wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. There was always a party, and always someone wanting to get high. Yuri fit in more than he did here.

The worst part about boarding school was being so far away. He missed his grandfather more than anything, and even though he hates admitting it, he misses Viktor. He normally tries not to think of Otabek.

Which is ironic, considering that said teenager was crawling into the same bed as him, scooting close to him under the blankets. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Coldplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving break. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving so I've been spending this time writing. I have 11 completed chapters. Just trying to decide when to publish them haha. I am having so much fun writing this. I like this story a lot more than the prequel. Some people might disagree and might hate where this story is going but that's okay. You don't have to read it. Just close your eyes and makeup your own ending. Can yo write a fanfic of a fanfic? Hmm...
> 
> Anyways, love to everyone who has been commenting. I read every comment as soon as I get it and it really makes my day ^.^

Otabek looked over at his clock. 2:33am, and Yuri was still awake. He wasn't even pretending to sleep; he kept squirming and rolling over. Otabek was getting annoyed. 

"Go to sleep, Yura."

Yuri huffed and turned to face Otabek. "I don't want to."

Even in the dark, Otabek knew Yuri was pouting. He knew that his eyes would be squinted, and the creases on his forehead would stand out. 

He also knew that Yuri's restlessness meant something was on his mind. It was best not to do or say anything upsetting at this point.

"Why not?" Otabek asked softly, propping his head up on his elbow. He himself was tired, and he felt his eyes starting to close. He forced them open, though, not wanting to sleep before Yuri.

"I don't want tomorrow to come." Yuri admitted. "I want to stay here."

Otabek smiled. "You can always stay here. You know that."

He meant it, too. He wasn't just trying to calm Yuri down. He owed him that much, with how often he would sneak of to Nikolai's in the middle of the night. When they were younger, and Yuri would visit, they would never leave each others side. 

Oh, how the times have changed.

"No, not here here." Yuri had said, trying his best to explain his thoughts. He rolled over onto his back and tilted his head so that he could see Otabek. "Here. Like, in time."

"I don't follow."

Yuri sighed, his agitation creeping up. "You know, here. As in now. If I sleep, then morning will come and you will be mad at me and your mom will yell at me and I will have to go back to being Yuri Plisetsky.

"But here? With you? I can just be me. I don't have to try to be anyone I'm not. You have to love me, no matter who I become. It's like a rule, you know."

Otabek didn't know whether to laugh of cry. Its not like what Yuri said was touching or anything. On the contrary, it was just another 2am rant. He has heard enough of those throughout the years.

So, instead, he just pushed the hair out of Yuri's face. "I'm not mad at you. I just don't like who you've become. We can talk about this in the morning."

He knew that meant they would never talk about it. Yuri was timid that way. He didn't want to talk about feelings. Ever. If there was the rare chance that he did, Otabek should take advantage of that. But for some reason, it felt wrong to do that to him right now.

There were lines they just didn't cross. For instance, when Otabek was getting Yuri changed, he saw hickies on his chest and neck. He didn't ask about them.

It was the same as the way Yuri ran his fingers over the raised, circle mark on Otabek's wrist. He knew better than to ask where the burn came from.

Maybe he should cross the line. Maybe that will fix all of the problems they have. Who's name made Yuri get so high that he forget his own? 

Life isn't about 'maybes' and 'what ifs'. It is about what is happening here and now. Like how Yuri leans over and rests his head on Otabek's chest. Like how Otabek runs his hand through Yuri's tangled hair, the silky strands in knots between his fingers.

"I've missed you."

It is barely above a whisper, but Otabek hears it. He forces a smile, something he hasn't done in a long time. He spends the night running his hand up and down Yuri's back, soothing him into sleep.

Yuri is still asleep when Otabek wakes up. He looks at the clock and sighs. He can hear his family moving around downstairs, and can even smell bacon.

His stomach growls, erasing any thought of staying in bed. Careful not to wake Yuri, Otabek climbs out of bed. He makes his way into the bathroom and turns on the light. He takes a long look in the mirror, debating on whether it was time for a haircut or not.

He brushes his teeth, continues with his normal morning routine. Mouthwash. Floss. The works. 

The face wash Otabek normally uses was a gift from Hayes. Some high dollar soap that claims it minimizes pores or some shit. Otabek just likes the smell. Pine and old leather.

Yuri wakes up when Otabek is in the middle of rinsing his face. He notices immediately. Its not like Yuri is quiet.

He groans, loudly, and Otabek hears the thud of his feet on the hard wood. He goes straight into the bathroom, glaring at Otabek as he shoves him aside.

Otabek doesn't say a word. Doesn't speak up when Yuri uses Otabek's toothbrush to clean his teeth, either. It wasn't the first time he has done that.

He skips out on mouthwash and flossing. He grabs a brush from the closet, making an off handed comment on how Otabek's hair is too short for a hairbrush.

"I'm thinking about cutting it, actually." Otabek tells him, trying to tame the mess in the mirror.

Yuri huffs. "You should. You look fugly with long hair."

Otabek pouted, and Yuri laughed. It was almost like the past few years never happened. Like they have been together the whole time.

Neither of them changes out of their pajamas as they head downstairs. They weren't planning on going anywhere anyways. 

Otabek could hear polite chatter coming from the kitchen as they walked down the hallway. As soon as they entered the room, the talking stopped. Hayes was mid sip of coffee and looked like he just got slapped.

"Oh, I didn't realize we had company." He remarked, acting more polite than he really was.

Even though he knew he was making it worse, Otabek just shrugged and sat down at the table. Yuri sat down next to him, Damira on his other side. She was staring at Yuri like she wasn't sure he was real.

Yuri wasn't the only one that changed. Damira was in Junior High now, and she thinks she knows everything. Otabek didn't even remember her growing up so fast. She went from mismatched clothes to straight hair and makeup in the blink of an eye. Her clothes still don't match, but it's not like she knows this. Otabek sure isn't going to tell her.

"I thought you and Bubba weren't talking?" 

It was an innocent question that threatened to open a can of worms. Both of the boys shrugged and started eating. It was easier to sweep it under the rug for now.

Hayes was watching them in disapproval. Especially Yuri. Otabek wasn't sure why, but Hayes never thought Yuri was good enough for Otabek. Ha, like his opinion mattered.

Yuri was stuffing his face with bacon. Even Alia looked displeased when she finally sat down. "Slow down, unless you want to get sick."

Neither of them were stupid enough to go against her wishes.

Otabek noticed how Yuri looked at Alia. She noticed it, too, but didn't say a word. When Otabek told him that she had gotten sober, of course he didn't believe him. Still didn't, and watched her like she was suddenly going to snap.

It was different, having an actual mom around. Someone he could go to for advice. Hell, she knew more about Yuri than Damira does.

"So, boys, any plans today?" Alia asked as she smeared raspberry jam on her toast.

"We were thinking about just staying here, playing some video games." Yuri told her. Otabek looked over, surprised, but didn't get a response from Yuri.

There was no way he actually wanted to hang out with him. They have been walking a fragile line for months. Maybe, if the spend the day together, Otabek can fix what they broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know, the next chapter is basically half fluff half angst if you squint. The couple after that will be straight up angst. But it will get better!
> 
> Chapter 10 is my favorite chapter so far. You don't get to know why until later


	5. The Rising Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think what I will do is post once every Sunday, and if I get another chapter finished before then, I will post on Wednesdays. Keep in mind this isn't set in stone. I go back to class and man am I behind haha. Can't procrastinate forever.
> 
> I hate the Summery of this story. I have never been good at writing them. If anyone wants to help out I would be greatful ^.^

Family breakfast wasn't Yuri's cup of tea. Sitting around, eating together? Yuri would rather be hungover at church.

He texted Nikolai when he woke up, telling him where he was. He responded immediately with a positive response. As long as he was back for the birthday dinner, he didn't care. He must not have seen Viktor yet.

Food in his stomach, Yuri headed upstairs. He heard Otabek start to follow, but Hayes made him help with dishes.

Hayes. Yuri fucking hated Hayes. He was a stuck up asshole that was more two faced than any of the girls Yuri knows. He knows the front he puts on, knows the bullshit he makes up. If only Yuri had proof that he was the reason for the burns on Otabek.

He tried not to think too much about it. He didn't like thinking about how much has changed, and what he could have prevented. That was a demon to be dealt with later.

Right now, Yuri needed better clothes. The shirt Otabek had lent him was 3 sizes too big on him. If he had it his way, he would just go shirtless.

The heater must really be broken. It was cold as balls last night, but Yuri was already sweating. He was dying in his T-shirt.

Fuck it. It was just going to be the two of them in the room. And its not like Yuri has tits or anything.

He pulls the shirt off, tossing it onto Otabek's dresser. The cotton pajama pants he is wearing are big, but not as big as the shirt. The drawstring is what is keeping them from sliding too far down on his hips.

Using the hair tie on his wrist, Yuri puts his hair up in a messy bun. His hair is well past his shoulders, and he isn't sure whether to trim it or let it grow.

His phone chimed and he had to dig around a little bit to find it. It was a message from Chris.

_Viktor is awake, and his vomit looks black. What should I do?_

Yuri rolled his eyes. He should not be dealing with this shit.

**Just get him some water. He will be fine.**

He tossed his phone on the bed and picked up Otabek's jacket. He remembered Otabek giving it to him last night, and the look he had right before he did.

Yuri remembered when Otabek got this jacket. They were at the mall on Otabek's 16th birthday. They had seen the jacket at a high end store, so of course Otabek didn't have enough money for it. Yuri had been saving up to buy a new phone, but chipped in all of his cash so that Otabek could buy the jacket.

It has been years since then, but Yuri could still remember the look on Otabek's face when Yuri gave him the money. It was one of the proudest moments of his life.

Smiling fondly at the memory, Yuri carefully folded up the jacket, setting it on top of Otabek's dresser. That's when he noticed the top drawer askew. To anyone else, that would have been nothing. But Yuri knew Otabek. He hated when everything didn't line up. Yuri opened the drawer and dug around the back of it, but found nothing. The drawer was full of nothing but his socks.

He was about to pull out the entire drawer when he heard Otabek's footsteps. Quickly, Yuri shut the door and preoccupied himself with the weird lamp sitting on his dresser.

Otabek shut the door behind him when he came in. He looked pissed off and agitated. Must have been fighting with Hayes.

"Everything alright?" Yuri asked, slowly walking towards him.

Otabek had a bad temper. It took quite a lot to really piss him off, but once you do, he will stay mad for hours.

"Fucking peachy." He snapped. Instead of saying anything else, he turned on his TV and flopped down on his bed.

Yuri didn't wait to be invited and simply climbed on the bed. Otabek handed him a controller while Call of Duty began to load. They used to play this a lot during the Summer, but stopped once they became too busy.

It took a while for Yuri to remember the controls, but before long, he was kicking Otabek's ass. He knew it would made Otabek even more enraged, but when he is angry a game, it gets funny.

"You fucking poptart! That is cheating!"

Yuri couldn't help but giggle.

"Fuck this shit." He growled, pulling up the menu. Yuri watched as he pulled up the Nazi Zombie mode. "Can't cheat on co-op."

"You'd be surprised." Yuri teased.

Otabek clenched his jaw as he mashed the buttons on his controller. He has actually calmed down quite a bit, not nearly as angry as he was before. Whatever he was fighting with Hayes about, Otabek was over it now. Yuri did his job if distracting his friend, directing his anger on something else.

"You are such a dick." Otabek said, not looking away from the screen.

Yuri hummed, amused. He relaxed more, too, moving onto his stomach. He swung his feet in the air a bit.

"I'm not a dick." He countered. "I just have one."

Otabek just rolled his eyes. "No shit dumbass. I've seen it."

Yuri had to wait to reply, too focused on reviving Otabek's character. He is always the first one to die. He likes using the shotgun.

"What? No you haven't."

Another death for Otabek. It was only Wave 5.

"Uh, yeah I have." He admitted, copying Yuri's position on the bed. "We used to take baths together all the time."

"That was when neither of us really had a dick, though."

Yuri remembered when they were kids and Nikolai would make them bathe together. They loved playing in the mud after it rained. Problem was, they would always come in caked in it.

They would sneak in extra bubble soap and toys to play with when Nikolai wasn't looking. They would play pirates, sharks, even like they were grown men shaving their beards. Yuri's heart hurt thinking about it.

Otabek, on the other hand, didn't seem too affected by the memory. "So?"

Yuri swallowed the lump in his throat. "So it doesn't count."

They played co-op for a few more hours, Yuri enjoying every moment he spent with Otabek. It had been so long since the two of them hung out.

He had forgotten how much he missed this. Otabek didn't care if he swore or if he used words like turkey to insult someone. He didn't care if Yuri would slip into Russian while shouting commands, and would reply in it, too.

They were on Wave 9, and while Yuri was boarding up the windows, he glanced over at Otabek. It must have been somewhere around noon, because the sunlight found its way in through a gap in the curtain. The light reflected off of Otabek's black hair, making it look like it was lined with gold.

When Otabek noticed his staring, he smiled. 

“What are you staring at, Yura? You’re kind of making us lose.” He said with a light chuckle. All of the anger from his voice was gone, and he seemed content now.

“I’ve just really missed you,” Yuri responded. Yuri noticed how Otabek's eyes softened and he couldn't help but smile. 

It was just like they were kids again, making up after a fight. Then again, their fights have changed from Otabek stealing Yuri's candy to Otabek having to bail Yuri out from juvie.

“I’ve missed you, too.”


	6. Gravel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning: Graphic (ish?) depictions of self harm/mentions and references to self harm/this shit gets dark so don't read it if it makes you uncomfortable

As much as he wanted to stay, Yuri eventually had to leave. Nikolai came and picked him up. Otabek smiled and waved, and wasn't surprised when Nikolai grinned at him.

From Nikolai's perspective, Yuri and Otabek stopped talking at the end of Summer for no reason. It wasn't like they were going to tell him Yuri got busted for stealing alcohol. Yuri was lucky that they allowed your soulmate to bail you out instead of your parents.

Otabek used all of his savings to get him out. He had been saving up for parts for his motorcycle which was broken at the time. He had to borrow his moms car to go pick him up.

Up until then, Otabek never stopped to think that them being soulmates was in their files. Oh well. Nothing they could change now.

It has been months since then, and Yuri left with a promise to keep in touch. Otabek sighed and went back inside. Hayes was on him immediately.

"I thought I told you never to talk to that boy again." He spat, glaring down at Otabek.

Otabek just narrowed his eyes right back. "And I told you that I don't care. He is my soulmate and my best friend; you can't keep me from talking to him."

"That boy is nothing but trouble!" Hayes shouted, stepping closer. "I don't give a flying fuck if he is your soulmate. You are not to see him again."

Otabek felt his temper start to rise. His hands turned into fists at his sides and he clenched his jaw. He chose his next words very carefully, wanting to inflict the most damage on him.

People say you lose 30% of your intelligence when you get angry. For Otabek, it was more like he lost all of his self control. He could still think, but he couldn't stop his mouth from moving.

"You don't get to tell me what to do. You may be my sperm donor, but you'll never be my dad."

If he was being honest, Hayes wasn't a bad father. He didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't hit his kids when he got angry. He went to Damira's dance competitions and was supportive about almost everything her and Otabek did.

He seems like he would be a picture perfect father. But Otabek is smart enough to see the flaws no one else does. Hayes is controlling, he likes having everything in order. He has never even met his soulmate and was jealous that his younger brother did before him.

It took him and Alia a while to figure out which kids were whose. Alia was a bit of a whore back then, and was sleeping with them both. Otabek had brown eyes, but Damira didn't. Her eyes were a bright blue, just like her fathers.

Hayes has brown eyes. 

Otabek's heart broke when he learned that Damira was only his half sister. She didn't seem to care, and absolutely adored Hayes.

She doesn't remember what is was like when she was younger. When Otabek had to step up into the father role. She doesn't remember Otabek having to make sure she was potty trained before she turned 4. She doesn't remember Otabek getting up early every Easter to hide eggs around the house. She doesn't remember Otabek cooking for her, washing her clothes, or making sure she was as healthy as she could be.

What she does remember is Otabek singing to her. When Alia was on a bender, he would sing Damira soft lullabies. When there was a loud storm outside, he would sing classic rock songs Nikolai always had on in the car. When she was sick, he would sing the Taylor Swift songs Viktor loved.

He still sings to her sometimes. He plays guitar now, so he will strum along while he sings. It is probably the only time they have together anymore.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that again." Hayes didn't need to yell for it to send chills down Otabek's back. "Go up to your room. I don't want to see you for the rest of the evening."

No dinner, then. No matter. He rolled his eyes and headed upstairs.

Damira was standing in the doorway, having watched the whole thing. She shook her head at Otabek and walked away. Of course, she thinks he is at fault.

He has gotten used to being the black sheep of the family. He doesn't drink or do drugs, but he smokes and despises conformity. The sooner he leaves this place, the better.

After slamming the door and locking it behind him, Otabek headed over to his dresser. He debated on sneaking off to Nikolai's like he does after he and Hayes get in a fight, but decided against it. Yuri deserves family time.

So, he chose the next best thing. He walked over to his dresser and removed the top left drawer. Behind it hid his cigarettes and lighter.

These aren't like the ones he smokes. No, these are different. Instead of expensive menthols, these are the cheapest he could find. He wasn't going to waste good cigarettes on this.

It has become almost a ritual to him. Remove the drawer. Grab the items. Grab ear buds. Open window. Climb onto roof. He has done this many times before.

November meant the days are shorter. By the time Otabek settle into his usual place, the sun was already down. No one to see him face his demons.

Cigarettes aren't his only addiction. Well, if you could call this an addiction. Otabek calls it management.

He realizes what he does is wrong. That he would be a disgrace and a pussy if his family knew. Only sad teen girls self-harm.

That is another term Otabek hates. Self-harm. He has taken psychology, so he knows a little bit about it. It mostly refers to cutting, and is seen as either a way to transfer the pain from the inside to the outside, or a cry for attention.

Otabek doesn't think what he does applies to either of these. He likes the feeling. It makes him feel stronger, more in control.

He still remembers the first time he did this. It was a few days after he and Yuri had gotten into their big fight. He was on the roof, in the same spot. His temper had gotten out of control. He cursed at his mom, nearly hit Hayes, and screamed at Damira.

To try and calm himself, he climbed up here and chain-smoked through half his pack of cigarettes. He was about to light another one when he dropped the finished cigarette onto his thigh.

He was wearing jeans, so it didn't burn him yet. It startled him, though. When he picked it back up, his hands were shaking. That's when he got the idea to use himself as an ashtray.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he rolled up his sleeve and pressed the lit end of the cigarette into his forearm. He had gasped and jerked, removing it immediately. He sat there and watched, intrigued, as the skin blistered.

One thing he remembered from his psychology class is the science behind this. How the body knows it is hurt and doesn't want you to panic, so it sends a rush of endorphins through you. Otabek felt the rush alright.

His mind went empty, and he was silent as he gathered his stuff and climbed back into his room. He went into the bathroom, cleaned and wrapped his wound, before laying in bed to think about what he just did.

And what he would continue to do. He has begun to rely on it, using it as a crutch. When he is sad or angry, he comes up here. He doesn't do it often, usually waiting until one is healed up before making another. But, sometimes, he can't wait.

Tonight is one of those nights. He rolls up his sleeve, looking at the mutilated flesh on his wrist and forearm. His hands still shake when he lights the cigarette. He takes a few drags from it, making sure it is ready. The nicotine feels nice, even with such a low quality brand.

After he is done, he rolls his sleeve back down, two more marks to join the rest. He looks up at the stars, at the moon, and wonders how he let his life get like this.


	7. Oak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was browsing tumblr, minding my own business, when I came across an Otayuri fic-rec. No big deal. I looked through it [the guy was asking for angsty stories] and MY STORY WAS LISTED! I HAVE A STORY ON A FIC REC! You don't understand how happy I was. I took a screenshot and sent it to all of my friends. This story wasn't supposed to be this big...
> 
> Anyways, I'm sorry about last chapter. I know it was really sad. But things have to get worse before they get better, right?

Monday still came. It's funny, Otabek forgot all about school. He slept through his alarm and Damira had to wake him up. She was not happy.

"Beck, get up!" She whined, shaking him. "Do you want me to send Dad in here?"

Otabek growled and looked at her. He hated it when she called Hayes 'Dad'. He wasn't even her father!

Damira raised her eyebrow, and Otabek knew it was pointless to argue. He rolled his eyes and sat up. "I'm up...I'm up..."

He rubbed his eyes and raked his fingers through his hair. He grimaced, realizing he didn't wash it last night. Damira snorted a laugh, making Otabek realize she hasn't left yet.

"Do you need something?" He asked, annoyed.

Damira gave him a small smile and climbed onto the bed with him. She made him sit with his back to her while she started messing with his hair. Otabek could already tell his hair was not why she was staying.

"Daddy won't tell me what happened with Yuri." She admitted. "Why is he so mad at you two?"

Otabek sighed. He should have guessed that is what she wanted. He didn't answer her right away. He didn't even know what to tell her.

"Its complicated, Da." He hasn't used that nickname in so long.

"We've got time. I just won't wear makeup today."

What could he even tell her? She wasn't even 14 yet. How could he explain to her the complex situation of the sort of platonic bond that he and Yuri share?

If she is willing to go to school without makeup, then Otabek should tell her something. She never leaves the house without it now. He has began to miss her face when she doesn't have blue smeared all over it.

"Yuri...he has been getting into some trouble. I've tried to help him, but he doesn't listen to me. He thinks I'm just a narc or something. I don't want him going down the path that Mama did."

Damira nodded and tugged at his hair, putting it into a small ponytail. She played with the short hairs on the back of his neck, deciding on what to say next.

"Have you told him this?"

"No."

She tugged at his hair again, this time to cause damage. Otabek yelped and tried to pull away. She huffed, and went back to what she was doing.

"There is your problem, dummy." She said, scolding him. "You need to tell him how you feel."

It is easy for her to say. She won't have to worry about this stuff for a long time.

She finished his hair and stood up. She smiled kindly and squeezed his shoulder. She left, thinking she did something to help Otabek.

He just felt more confused than ever.

There is no way Yuri will be willing to listen to anything Otabek says. Especially if it is for his well being. Yuri is the most self-destructive person Otabek knows, and he isn't even aware of it. He thinks he is just having fun.

Otabek looked at the time and groaned. He had 20 minutes until he had to head to school.

Even the school has changed. It no longer has all of the grades in one. It was split up into 3 different buildings. The day care and early childhood, elementary and junior high, and then highschool. Damira had to ride a bus over to her school, but Otabek had to drive himself.

Time for another day dealing with fake people. 

He rolled out of bed and walked over to his bathroom. He was just in his boxers, and couldn't help but look at himself in the mirror. He was still short, a trait he got from his mother. His shoulders were broad, though, and his muscles were filling out even more.

No time for a shower. He brushed his teeth quickly, skipping out on flossing. He half ass washed his face and didn't even bother shaving. It wasn't bad, anyways. Just a little scruff.

He admired the mini ponytail Damira gave him. He thought it was ironic that she was good at hair. He used to have to do her hair for her every day.

Otabek hasn't done laundry in a while, so finding clean clothes was a challenge. He settled for dark skinny jeans, a white Henley, and his leather jacket. He slipped on the first pair of shoes he found, all back converse, and headed out of his room.

Hayes was working, and Alia had first shift today. It was just Otabek and Damira for breakfast. It felt just like old times. They were in a rush, so Otabek grabbed a green apple and headed out the door. He shoved it in his pocket and walked over to his bike.

He always waits until Damira gets on the bus until he leaves. He didn't have to wait long. The bus arrived before he even put his helmet on. He waved at Damira before climbing on his bike. 

It had taken a lot of convincing to get Alia and Hayes to allow him to get the motorcycle. He had gotten it the Summer after his 16th birthday and was told he can keep it as long as he always wears a helmet and leather.

Giving his jacket and helmet to Yuri was the first time he ever broke that promise.

Riding his bike to school was his favorite part of the morning. It let him get there quicker and have a quick smoke before class. He has been doing this for so long that the teachers don't care that he shows up to class smelling like smoke.

Today, he had to skip the smoke break.

His first class was history. He thinks he would enjoy the class if the teacher knew what they were talking about and the students weren't obnoxious.

Normally, Otabek would sit in the back and nap first period. The teacher would wake him up if they had an assignment or a test, but other than that, left him alone. He had his textbook; he'd figure out the causes of World War I on his own.

Today was different. The teacher was out sick, so they were left with a sub. Otabek hated subs. They always made him stay awake for class and participate.

Whatever. He sat in his normal desk and pulled his breakfast out of his pocket. He knew there was rules against eating in class, but he didn't get to eat dinner last night and he was starving.

He was only two bites in when the sub walked over and took it from him, heading to throw it away. 

The students in the room were a mixed group. You have your stoners, your nerds, your jocks. You have the one group that somehow manages all three categories. Then you have Otabek.

He has known these people since he first moved here. They have been with him while he went through Yuri moving away, Hayes moving in, and Otabek growing up.

The one thing everyone in class had in common is they knew better than to piss Otabek off. They know he is quite peaceful on his good days. But get on his bad side and there will be hell to pay.

The poor lady that was subbing has never had Otabek in class before. She must have bad luck, to cross Otabek on a day like today. No cigarette, empty stomach, a fight with Hayes, and thoughts of Yuri? Not a good mix.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Was the only warning he gave her.

Everyone in the room went silent. They all turned and watched the events unfold. The lady, probably in her late 50s, just narrowed her eyes and dropped the apple in the trash can.

A few people gasped. Some of the boys laughed. Otabek stood up.

Even though he had a bad temper, he always made sure to keep it in check in a public setting like this. He didn't want to be known as 'that guy'. He wanted to be able to go somewhere after highschool with minimal regrets. Besides, he didn't want to give Hayes another reason to yell at him.

But today was different. Otabek didn't care about Hayes getting mad. In fact, he wanted to piss him off. He wanted to get back at him for all the things he said about Yuri. No one fucks with Yuri.

"I warned you." He said with a smirk. He grabbed the corner of his desk and flipped it over roughly, causing the wood to crack. Damage to school property? Won't look good on his record.

It is time for some changes. He is sick and tired of being the quiet one who had to grow up too fast. He deserves to rebel. He deserves to fight like hell until he has a life he likes. Whether he fucks it all up before then or not, he is not going down without a fight.


	8. Mocha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...what can I say? It was finals week. Probably going to have to retake History haha. Made a 54 on the final, making my final grade a 68. I'm not good at history.
> 
> So far it looks like this is going to be a lot longer than the first book. I can write teens a lot easier than kids, and I just have so many ideas for this.

"Did you hear?"

Yuri was sitting on his bed, trying desperately to finish last weeks homework. His roommate, Emil, had finished his in advance. Yuri don't know how he does it.

The dorms were separated by interests. Yuri is here for skating and ballet, so he is in the contemporary dorms. Emil does some dance thing that Yuri always forgets the name of.

He doesn't mind having a roommate. Sometimes he is useful, like when he let's him copy his homework. But Emil likes to talk, which Yuri hates.

"Hear what?" He asked, not really paying attention.

"We have a new recruit. Hockey team."

Yuri slammed his book closed. He hated the hockey team. They were always hogging the ice and calling Yuri a fairy.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He turned to Emil, who was just smirking. He knew this would piss Yuri off.

He already gets in enough fights with the hockey team as it is. At least those guys Yuri has known for years. But this will be someone new. Someone that doesn't know Yuri or what he will do if he doesn't get his way.

"I just thought I would let you know." Emil said with a wink before gathering his stuff. 

Already pissed off, Yuri did the same. They had a little bit of time before their first class, so they planned on getting a coffee. Or Yuri will get a coffee and Emil will get some iced mocha frappé thing with tons of sugar.

It wasn't a far walk over to the coffee shop. There were three around the secondary campus, allowing the highschool students to get a cup before going about their day. They were always busy this time of day, and it took them 15 minutes to order their drinks.

"Have you decided what to do for your end of semester project?" Emil asked as they waited against the wall.

Yuri shrugged and shook his head. He doesn't even remember which classes called for a project and which ones were having tests.

If he was being honest, Yuri was a little jealous of Emil. He managed a 4.0 grade average, all of his extracurricular and sports activities, and still managed to make it to all of the best parties. He was doing something Yuri wished he could pull off.

He has all but given up on his grades at this point. He is pretty sure that he would have been kicked out long ago of he wasn't so good at skating.

Not that it matters when the hockey team won't let him fucking practice.

Emil and Yuri grab their coffee and head towards the highschool building. It was cold, even for mid November. Yuri could tell that it was going to start snowing soon. He was glad he was wearing his red hoodie today.

"I don't know how you can drink iced coffee in this weather." 

Emil just smiled and they continued walking. 

A guy on a skateboard passed by them. To their left, a guy with hot pink hair was walking hand in hand with a guy with a baseball cap. Just beyond them was a group of smokers trying to finish their smokes before they had to leave for class.

It really was a diverse campus. They didn't care about race or sexual orientation. They only cared if you were really good at something or not.

That is what Yuri loved about this place. You can be whoever you wanted to be and there was somewhere you will fit in. Or, you can be like Yuri and mold yourself until you fit in basically everywhere.

First period went by rather quickly. Yuri spent most of the class drawing 3D figures in his notebook, pretending like he was taking notes. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was...off.

It wasn't until he was sitting in 3rd period that he noticed all of the colors become more vivid. Well, not really more vivid. Back to normal is more like it.

Whenever Yuri and Otabek are near each other, the colors are bright. Vibrant. When they are apart, however, they get dull. Yuri has gotten used to the dull colors, and is alarmed when they go back to how they were.

While he is having a minor panic attack, he notices a commotion happening outside of the classroom. He can hear a distinct voice and gets even more confused.

"Move out of my way. I'm looking for Yuri." It was Otabek's voice. What was he doing here?

"I'm sorry, but he is in class. I can't let you in." The dean? What was going on?

The door opened, and Otabek walked in, looking agitated. He walked right over to Yuri and pulled his arm until he was standing.

"Grab your things. We are leaving."

What the fuck was going on?

"Otabek, what the hell??" Yuri exclaimed. "You can't just barge in here and kidnap me!"

"Its not kidnap if you consent. Now let's go." The agitation in his voice was getting more prominent by the second.

Oh, he really was causing a scene. Emil looked frightened, as did most of the students in the class. They have never met Otabek before.

Yuri didn't have time to struggle before Otabek was dragging him out of the classroom. 

"Fucking Christ, Otabek! Stop!"

He did. He turned around to face him, not caring that they were in the middle of the fucking hallway.

"What has gotten into you?" Yuri asked. Even he was a little frightened at this sudden change.

Otabek must have noticed, because he softened his features. His jaw went slack and his eyes lost the look of anger he had in them a few minutes prior.

He even spoke in a softer tone. "I am leaving town for a few days, and you are coming with me."

"And why would I do that?"

Otabek made an amused noise and cocked an eyebrow. "What, you'd rather stay here? I already signed you out. Perks of being soulmates."

Sometimes, Yuri really hated being soulmates. Their were times where it came in handy, like when Yuri got arrested. But Otabek showing up out of the blue and signing him out for a few days? That just wasn't right.

But if it got him out of doing geometry, he was all ears.

"Alright, I'm listening." He said, crossing his arms. "But what's the catch?"

"I'm taking advice from my sister. We need to talk, Yuri. Really talk. So we are taking a road trip and doing just that. Talking. No bullshit." They were walking down the hallway again, but this time, Otabek wasn't dragging him.

"No bullshit. Got it."

Yuri still wasn't sure he knew what was going on. Otabek had a lot of explaining to do. Why was he out of school anyways?

But, just like everything controversial, Yuri didn't bring it up. He followed Otabek out to the parking lot and over to his bike. He had something new sitting on the seat.

"Did you...did you buy this for me?"

Otabek nodded. "I thought that if you were going to ride with me, you might as well have your own helmet."

Yuri loved it. It was cheetah print and even had his name on it. He couldn't stop smiling when he put it on. Who knew safety could be so stylish?

He also put on Otabek's jacket, of course. He never let's Yuri on the bike without it. Yuri thought it was stupid. Isn't it the driver that is supposed to wear the leather? He didn't know much about bikes.

What he did know was he was skipping school to hop on the back of his best friends motorcycle and drive off to god knows where. Guess this beats the pop quiz he had next period.


	9. Ivory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To everyone dedicated to this story, I would like to both thank you and apologize to you. The first story went so well. This one, on the other hand, is not. I am saddened by that, but what can you do? Anyways, I have never had so many dedicated readers. It is like having my own fans. It is awesome.

The first stop on their impromptu road trip was a quaint coffee shop two towns over. Yuri didn't even try to hide the fact that he was staring at Otabek with a look of uncertainty on his face. It was like he was watching a glass cup on the edge of a table. It might fall, or it might not. But if it does, it will shatter.

"Looks like we just missed the lunch rush." Otabek said calmly. There was a hint of contentness in the way he talked. Yuri wasn't sure if that meant Otabek was fine, or if he was hiding that he wasn't.

They removed their helmets and went inside. Otabek was right; it wasn't busy at all. There was a red head sitting alone with a laptop. Her hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing a grey sweater and glasses. 

On the other side, at a booth against the wall, sat a group of 3 people. Probably college students. One was a girl with long blonde hair and too much makeup. Across from her was a guy that looked like he knew every Star Trek movie word for word. In between them was another red head, this time with a haircut similar to Otabek's.

Yuri felt out of place anyways with his red hoodie and black leggings. He hadn't planned on going anywhere today and wished he would have worn something nicer. Even with Otabek's jacket, he just looked boring.

Otabek, on the other hand, looked as nice as always. Yuri has never seen a guy able to pull off the short ponytail that Otabek is sporting. His jeans were tight and somehow showed off his thigh and calf muscles. The top he was wearing, a favorite of Yuri's, made him look adorable. In a sexy bad ass sort of way, of course.

Otabek walked confidently up to the counter and ordered without even having to ask Yuri. "Can I get an iced hazelnut latte, a buttered crescent, a chocolate chip cookie, and a plain black coffee?"

The guy behind the counter nodded and began preparing the order. Before Yuri could say no, Otabek pulled out his wallet and paid for it all. Yuri was left sulking as they received their order and sat at a table near the window.

"What is up with everyone drinking iced coffee? First my roommate, and now you!" Yuri exclaimed, grabbing a packet of sweetener.

Otabek shrugged and took a sip of his drink. "It is good."

Yuri rolled his eyes and dumped two packets of artificial sweetener into his drink, stirring it. 

"So..." He started, lifting the mug to his lips. "You going to tell me why we are here?"

Otabek was leaning forward, one arm crossed on the table, the other stirring his drink with his straw. He had a soft look on his face, but one of his eyebrows were quirked.

"I thought you'd like something to eat." Was his reply.

Yuri was getting annoyed. "You know what I mean. I thought we agreed to 'No bullshit'." 

Otabek sighed. He pressed his lips together into a straight line and looked up at Yuri. His expression didn't change, but his eyes did. He had an almost sorrowful look in them.

"I got suspended from school and would rather spend the rest of the week with you than Hayes. But I wasn't lying when I said we need to talk. Everything has changed, and I feel like I don't know who you are anymore."

Yuri blinked. He didn't know what to say to make it better. This usually means he will make it worse.

"Is that such a bad thing?" He asked, his tone making it evident that he wasn't being sarcastic.

Otabek stared at him for a good 3 seconds before answering. "You really don't understand, do you?"

Yuri shook his head.

With a sigh, Otabek broke the cookie he bought in two pieces, leaving the bigger one for Yuri.

"I can no longer tell the difference between shades of green. Or red. The green happened years ago. The red? That's new."

Yuri was shocked. He knew that being apart for so long would have created negative effects, but he didn't think it would be anything like this. Surely, it would have been happening to him too, right?

He looks around and feels guilt tug at his heart. He can easily tell the difference between the red of the girl in the sweaters hair and the lipstick on the blonde girl. He can see that the shade of green on the nerds shirt is a lot darker than the green of the leaves on the plants in the corner. His vision was as fine as ever.

"Don't do something stupid like try to apologize." He gave Yuri a small smile, but it was genuine. "I know you are not at fault."

Yuri has never felt so small in his life. How could he be so selfish? He spent so long trying to change who he was that he forgot about the one person who would never make him change.

Otabek took a sip from his straw and pulled a pen out of his pocket. He grabbed a napkin off the table and began to write.

Yuri & Otabek's Get Away Bucket List

"What are you doing?" Yuri asked, equal parts confused and amused.

"I'm making a list of things we are going to accomplish on our borrowed time here. It can be abstract or physical. First things first; We are going to figure out who you are."

Yuri huffed. "That is stupid. We already know who I am."

Otabek should his head with a tsk. "If that was true, I wouldn't be colorblind, now would I?"

_1\. Yuri._

He didn't know why, but that pissed Yuri off. It also scared him. He didn't want Otabek digging around in his brain only to find he didn't like what he found.

If Otabek wanted to get personal, then they were going to get personal.

"Fine. But I have something for #2." Yuri interjected.

Otabek, oblivious to Yuri's plan, nodded. He was looking down at the napkin, already having written down 2. He had his pen ready, waiting for Yuri's request.

"I want to know where those burns came from." 

Just as Yuri predicted, Otabek paused. He bit his lip but eventually wrote it down.

_2\. Burns_

"Anything else?" Otabek asked. He was acting less cocky now, and Yuri didn't know whether that was good or not.

Yuri shrugged. "I don't know. What is something you've always wanted to do?"

Otabek smiled. It wasn't a smile like a 'I'm happy to see you' smile, or even just a happy one. His eyes were focused down while the corners of his lips were up.

He also had a slight blush in his face. Even the tips of his ears were red. Yuri chuckled. "Whatever it is, write it down."

Yuri watched the pen move across the paper.

_3\. Get a tattoo_

He couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously? A tattoo?"

"You said to write it down!" Otabek laughed. His smile had turned into a grin and was taking up half his face. "I've always wanted to get one."

"I've always wanted to get my nipples pierced, but that doesn't mean I'm going to!"

Yuri immediately regretting saying that. As soon as the words left Yuri's mouth, Otabek was writing.

_4\. Nipple piercings_

"DON'T WRITE THAT!"

The few people that were in the café stopped and looked at them. It's not everyday that you see an angry blond yelling in Russian at a man that is laughing so hard he is in tears.

"You are such an ass." Yuri spat, even though he was smiling.

Otabek could be a cheeky son of a bitch sometimes. Yuri would have to get him back for it later. For now, they had to finish this and hit the road.

"Come on. One more each, and we have to go."

The older teen nodded and tapped the pen against the table. Yuri finished his coffee and looked out the window. He had no idea what he wanted to do.

That is when it came to him. "I want you to show me how to ride your bike."

Otabek raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk on his mouth. "Are you sure? I don't know if you'll be able to handle her."

Yuri wasn't one to back down from a challenge. He grinned and nodded.

_5\. Teach Yuri to ride motorcycle_

"Now we just need one for you." Yuri stated, leaning back in his chair.

Otabek hummed, reading over the list. He took his time, deciding what he wanted for his last addition to the list. He still had a blank look on his face when he wrote it down.

_6\. Us_

Yuri frowned. "'Us?' The fuck does that mean?"

Otabek chuckled and folded up the napkin. He put it in his wallet, making sure that it won't get lost.

"At the end of this trip, I want to know what we are to each other. It is obvious I'm expendable to you, but I'm curious to see to what extent. Now, are you going to finish that cookie?"


	10. Grain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years

"So." Yuri started, slipping the helmet onto his head. "Where to now?"

Otabek shrugged and put on his own helmet before climbing onto the bike. "There is one of those Fun Zone places here with bowling and laser tag."

Yuri nodded and climbed on behind Otabek. He thought back to when they were preteens and used to go to those places all of the time. Every time Yuri was over for Summer, Viktor would take them to the Fun Zone and leave them alone for the whole day.

It wasn't on their list of things to do, but they had time. Besides, why get into the risqué stuff right away? You are only young once.

Granted, they didn't exactly blend in. A couple of teenagers riding in on a motorcycle doesn't scream 'family friendly'.

Nevertheless, they got in. Otabek paid for two all day passes. They were allowed to go anywhere in the building for free except for the arcade.

"What do you want to do first?" Otabek asked as he and Yuri started walking around.

He never realized how sketchy these places were before. As a kid all you think about is the bright lights and the games. Now, Otabek can't get passed the neon lights on everything. The glow in the dark carpet and the black lights. Everything was too harsh on his eyes.

Yuri, on the other hand, loved places like this. While Otabek preferred more earthy and natural tones, Yuri loved everything flashy. He was looking around, a look of awe in his eyes.

Otabek liked the look of sidewalk after it rains. Yuri liked the look of flashing police sirens. Otabek enjoyed fog. Yuri enjoyed thunderstorms. Otabek loved water, as Yuri loved fire.

"Why don't we start with bowling?" Yuri suggested.

Otabek raised an eyebrow, but followed Yuri to get their shoes. Otabek loved bowling, but knew that Yuri hated it. He was too impatient and always ended up screaming or breaking something.

After a brief argument with the man behind the counter over half sizes, they got their shoes. They walked over to the open alley next to the wall and set their stuff down.

"Put our names in while I get my shoes on. You can go first." Otabek said as he sat down in the seat.

He hated bowling shoes. They were uncomfortable and always felt sweaty inside. Otabek knew they were cleaned regularly but it is the thought that someone else's sweaty feet have been in these that grosses him out.

They were also hard to tie. The laces are always the tightest they can be and are not meant for people with feet like him. He always has to undo the laces and redo them just so his feet won't cramp during the game.

When he finished, he got up and looked at the screen.

_Player 1: Yuri  
Player 2: Daddy _

Otabek felt his face heat up as Yuri started to cackle. " _Daddy?_ Really?" 

"You told me to pick our names."

Otabek grumbled and crossed his arms. He wasn't mad, but he was a little embarrassed. Yuri just kept smirking at him as he went to select his ball.

He grabbed 2 8lb balls, one orange and one pink. He always grabs two balls when he bowls. One for the first try, and the other for the attempt at a spare.

Otabek just grabbed a green 10lb ball and waited for Yuri to go.

Yuri was one of the funniest people to watch when he bowls. He will stand their and calculate his throw, stepping back and running forward before he finally released the ball. When he concentrates hard enough, he sticks his tongue out. Otabek finds it adorable.

It is the beginning of the game, so Yuri is calm. As soon as he releases the ball, he will stand there and watch it go down the alley. His first ball went straight into the gutter.

"The pink ball is NOT my lucky ball."

Otabek gave him a supportive smile and watched as he tried with the orange ball. He didn't get a spare, but he did knock down 3 pins.

While Yuri was more strategical with how he bowls, Otabek is lucky. He is much more care free when he throws and just does whatever feels natural. He doesn't like to think much during games like these and just let's go of the ball.

"How the fuck did you get a strike??" Yuri exclaimed. "You just got lucky."

It doesn't take long for Yuri to get pissed off when he bowls. He gets frustrated extremely easy and turns his frustration into anger. 

After another one going in the gutter, Yuri started yelling at his ball. "Oh, come on! Go straight! Stop being a fucking queer!"

"You shouldn't have picked the pink ball." Otabek joked. Yuri flipped him off.

On their 8th turn, Otabek noticed an older lady out with her grandkids. She was glaring at them and making it obvious that she didn't approve of the language Yuri was using.

Yuri, of course, did not react well.

"You got a fucking problem, hag? You wanna go? I will kick your wrinkly ass!"

It took a lot of apologizing and promises to behave to keep them from getting kicked out. No more bowling for Yuri.

"They have a skating rink." Otabek told Yuri as they put their shoes back on. "You should have fun there."

"I was having fun bowling."

Otabek might love bowling, but he had even more fun when he bowled with Yuri. He admits that it can get tiring after a while so he likes having Yuri there to entertain him. Damira, on the other hand, can bowl for hours without getting bored.

"You need good, clean fun. Something that won't make you yell at old ladies." They grabbed their stuff and started walking towards the rink.

They were both in a good mood, all things considered. The Fun Zone was a great idea. They got to hang out and relax and pretend like they were normal teenagers.

Yuri didn't start any fights out on the rink. In fact, he was hugging the wall most of the time. He was used to skating on a single blade, not four wheels.

Otabek was too distracted with making fun of him that he accidentally ran over a little kid.

"Great. Now I have to babysit you and make sure you don't hurt anyone." Yuri grumbled.

He was joking, and they both knew it, but Otabek didn't leave from his side. He skated next to him while he moved along side the wall. When he convinced him to let go, they linked arms and Otabek helped him skate.

"Reminds me of when we were kids, and you were teaching me how to ice skate." Otabek told him as they moved in slow circles around the rink.

Yuri smiled and tightened his hold on Otabek. "I hope I did a better job at teaching than you."

They had greasy pizza and flat soda for dinner. They sat on the same side of the booth and took a picture together on Yuri's phone.

"Can I post this?" Yuri asked him, flipping through filters

Otabek looked over and nodded. "It is your phone. Do whatever you want.

"I was trying to be polite, asshole."

Yuri settled on what looked to Otabek as a light brown wash as their filter. 

_**#FriendZoneFunZone!**_

Otabek looked at his own phone to check the time. He ignored the 18 missed calls he saw waiting for him. "It is getting late. Want to get a hotel?"

Yuri nodded and took a few more pictures before they headed out. It might have been late, but they were wide awake for now.

"I'm really glad I agreed to this." Yuri said as he hoped on the bike. Otabek grinned and started it up.

With everything that has been going on, it is easy to forget what it means to be a teenager. Having fun is just as important as studying for a math quiz. Otabek has really been missing out.

He blames it on his family. Well, mostly Hayes. He expects Otabek to take over the marketing business when he graduates, and to do that, he needs good grades.

Thinking about Hayes threatens to ruin Otabek's good mood. But he knows something that will cheer him up. He just so happens to have a credit card in his wallet under the name Hayes J. Altin. 

Just how good was a honeymoon suite at the most expensive hotel in the city?


	11. Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorites scenes I have ever written in my life. It makes my heart happy (even with the angst at the end) But you know what they say. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain

"Maybe opening that second bottle of wine was a bad idea." Otabek said, trying to keep from giggling. Yuri shrugged and smiled, sipping what was left of his glass.

Who would have thought they would become those people who drink white wine and talk about their problems?

When Yuri suggested it, Otabek was originally going to turn him down. He doesn't like to drink. However, he has been doing a lot of things recently that he doesn't like to do. 

Besides, seeing Yuri turn into a giggling mess was worth it. They both have been going through so much recently, and they needed a break. They deserved to have fun once in a while.

Yuri hummed and swirled his glass before setting it on the coffee table. He sunk even deeper into the couch and turned to Otabek. "Do you think this place has bubble soap?"

Otabek blinked. This wasn't the weirdest request of the night. "I'm not sure. But I can look."

The smile Yuri gave him reenforced that idea. Otabek got up and made his way to the bathroom. He felt light and airy and couldn't stop smiling. Wine was okay.

He ended up sitting on the floor while he searched through the cabinet under the sink. It wasn't a surprise to see 9 different types of body wash, all with their own scents. Shampoo, conditioner, face wash, shaving cream. All were available and at different prices.

"I don't fucking believe it..." He exclaimed, grabbing a black lace looking bottle from the back. It was bubble soap, but probably not the kind Yuri was looking for. Otabek opened the cap and sniffed, a strong scent of roses the only thing he could smell.

Oh, yeah, they were going to use this.

He closed the cabinet and stood up, having to put a hand on the edge of the sink for balance. The soap was $24, but if it would make Yuri smile, he would pay twice that if he had to.

Yuri was leaning against the doorframe, watching as Otabek moved over to the tub. It was a lot larger than you'd expect a one or son bath to be. 

It took him a while to figure out how to turn the water on. Hotel baths were always complicated. One as classy as this? It was like a penguin trying to use a fork. It was only by some miracle that Otabek was able to get the water running.

After making sure it wasn't too hot for Yuri, Otabek added the soap. He wasn't sure how much to add, so he just squeezed out what he thought was a good amount. He wanted there to be bubbles, but not so many that they made a huge mess.

"That smells amazing." Yuri sighed, walking over.

Otabek chuckled and nodded. "What's next? Want me to find you some candles and rose petals?"

He might have been joking, but Yuri wasn't. He grinned and nodded before removing his shirt. Otabek laughed even more and left the bathroom, in search of candles.

Otabek didn't realize how high maintenance Yuri has gotten. Wine and a romantic bubble bath? It was almost like they were married.

In a way, they kind of were. They are bonded to each other, and will be for eternity. Otabek never stopped to think how lucky he was that Yuri was his forever, and not some whiny girl.

Not that Yuri doesn't whine like a girl.

By the time Otabek tracked down candles, Yuri was already submerged in the bubbles. He watched as Otabek arranged the candles around the tub and pulled his lighter out of his pocket, lighting them.

"I couldn't find any rose petals." He explained. "But the candles are vanilla scented."

Vanilla and rose turned out to be quite the combination of scents. The bubbles were more foamy than anything, and even had a slight pink tint to them. Otabek has never seen Yuri look so relaxed.

"Turn the light off and come join me."

If Otabek was sober, he probably would have said no or at least would have some resistant. But in his happy, altered state, he immediately stripped down and climbed into the bath. 

It was warm. Not so warm that it burned. It felt like a nice hug, and Otabek now understood why the tub was so large. He and Yuri fit perfectly inside of it together. He moaned as he lowered himself down in the water, the combination of it and the smells making him feel like he was in heaven.

It felt like he was soaking in a bottle of champagne. He takes back what he thought about Yuri being high maintenance. This is the best Otabek has ever felt in his life.

Yuri was smiling at him like he was an idiot. He scooted closer, resting his head on Otabek's shoulder. "If only we had music..."

Otabek rolled his eyes but was still smiling when he looked down at Yuri. "My phone is in my jeans. Unless you want me to sing, no music for you."

This seemed to give Yuri an idea. He chuckled before pausing for a moment. When he opened his mouth again, he was singing quietly and off key.

My baby don't mess around  
Because she loves me so  
This I know for sure

Otabek had never loved anyone more than he loved Yuri in that moment. He didn't know if it was the wine or if it was Yuri making him feel this way. What he knew was he never wanted it to end.

They soaked together in the tub and sang old songs together until the water went cold. Even though neither of them wanted to get out, they knew it was time. Otabek pulled the drain and helped Yuri rinse off the bubbles that stuck to them.

"Beka, your glittery!"

Otabek looked down at his skin and sure enough, there were specks of gold glitter all over him. He looked at Yuri and saw he was coated in it, too.

"Must have been in the soap." He explained. He grabbed two towels and began to dry off.

Even the towels felt better. They were soft and fuzzy and nothing like the towels he used before. He was shivering, though, and noticed that Yuri was, too.

Neither of them bothered putting their clothes back on and climbed onto the bed together. Otabek pulled back the covers and Yuri dove under. Otabek let out an amused noise as he crawled under them.

They were left facing each other, drunk and shivering. Even though everything else was swirling around him, Yuri's face stayed still. It was like even though he was drunk, Otabek's brain recognizes Yuri as a priority.

Yuri was the first one to break the silence. His voice was small, like he was 5 years old again. "This morning, at the café, you told me you thought you were expendable."

Otabek nodded, to which made Yuri pout.

"Do you really think you mean that little to me?"

He looked like he was about to cry. Otabek felt like he himself would. Instead, he reached over and cupped Yuri's face, lightly sweeping his thumb over his cheekbone.

"What was I supposed to think?" He asked. "After I paid your bail, you told me to never talk to you again."

Otabek remembers the day clearly. He remembers one of the windshield wipers on the car being broken, causing him to drive slower. He remembers the fluorescent lights in the holding room of the police station, and the scent of tobacco and coffee on the cops breath. 

He remembered Yuri looking so hurt and pissed off that he resembled a cornered animal. He remembered driving home, knuckles white on the steering wheel when Yuri told him to never try to contact him ever again.

That Yuri looks nothing like this one. This Yuri, his Yuri, looked completely heartbroken. Otabek would rather have an angry Yuri than a sad Yuri any day.

"I told you to leave because I knew you would have left me anyways." Yuri hiccupped his way through the sentence, barely managing to not completely break down.

That didn't stop Otabek's heart from shattering. He moved over and pulled Yuri into him. He felt Yuri hide his face against Otabek's chest and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down.

"I-I just don't understand." Yuri cried. "Why does everyone I love send me away?"

Yuri had ever right to believe that. His own parents gave him up. Nikolai gave him up. Why should he believe that Otabek wouldn't?

Even though he knew it was justified, it still hurt. "I never did, Yura."

The younger teen just cried even harder. Yuri was not easy to deal with when he gets upset. Add alcohol and months of hurt feelings and you better prepare for a riot.

His cries turned into wails and he started punching Otabek in the chest. He didn't hurt too bad at first, but the more he did it, the more it would bruise.

"Yuri, stop!" Otabek exclaimed, grabbing his arms. He ended up having to roll on top of him and pin his arms to his sides.

"You left me, Otabek!" He shouted, tears still streaming down his face. "You broke your promise!"

What happened to their moment? Just 10 minutes ago Otabek was the happiest he had ever been. Now the reason or his happiness is bruising his skin and his heart.

"Yura...you told me to go. You can't tell someone to leave and then get upset when they don't stay."

He wrapped his arms tighter around Yuri, feeling like he was the only thing keeping the broken pieces of Yuri from falling apart. He kissed his cheek, lips becoming wet from Yuri's tears.

"These past few months have been hell. I never wanted to hurt you." 

Yuri didn't say anything after that. Otabek didn't, either. He wasn't sure if Yuri forgave him or not. They spent the rest of the night in each others arms, fearing that if they moved, they would lose the other.


	12. Blood and Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love communication as much as the next person, but I think the thing I'm best at writing is internal conflict. Eh. Whatever. It's an update.

Yuri hated everything cliché. He hated feeling like he was a statistic and was doing something because everyone else was doing it. It is ironic, because that is exactly what he is. A cliché.

He woke up early but refused to move. He felt empty, but not the usual empty he fixed by emptying a bottle. He felt like someone punched him in the heart.

It wasn't like he was stupid. He knew everything that happened was his fault. Otabek was right; Yuri was the one who pushed him away.

So why is he still here? Otabek knows how difficult Yuri can be. He knows that as soon as something bad happens he will just try to push him away again. Why didn't he just leave and stay gone?

Whatever his reason for staying, Yuri was glad he didn't wake up alone.

In fact, he was the complete opposite of alone. He was a little fuzzy headed, a feeling he gets every time he gets drunk on wine. But he was absolutely sure that him and Otabek were cuddling.

Naked, might he add. He had woken up naked in Otabek's arms, who was also naked. Completely, totally naked.

It wasn't weird last night, so why was it weird now?

Yuri knew he should get up. Get dressed, brush his teeth, do his hair. But Otabek was so warm. So, instead, he snuggled even deeper into Otabek's arms.

Otabek was fast asleep. It wasn't like he knew Yuri was awake and enjoying every second of this. He did feel a little guilty, but not much.

Time was Yuri's biggest fear. It was why he stayed up late every night. You are only given a certain amount of time on Earth, and Yuri didn't want to waste it by sleeping.

He didn't believe that you should dedicate your time to something important. No matter if you find the cure for cancer or sit on a couch for your whole life, you won't make much of a difference. If you look at the small picture, yes, but the big picture? Even if you cure cancer something else will come along to kill people anyways.

So Yuri does what he wants because he knows it will affect him. He tries not to think about how he is affecting other people because in the end, they don't matter. The kids that used to bully him as a kid? He hasn't seen them in a very long time.

It was 6:34am. He didn't have anywhere he needed to be. If he wanted to stay in the protection of Otabek's arms, then who was going to stop him?

At 6:41 he closed his eyes. They stayed shut until 7:02, when he realized sleep wasn't going to come. He kept his eyes open, scanning everything in the room. His eyes would jump from one thing to another and everything he saw would remind him of something else.

How long has it been since he took his medication? He didn't have it when he was with Otabek on Sunday, and he forgot to pick up his refill before class on Monday. It was now Tuesday, and he had no way of getting his pills.

It won't make too much of a difference. Sure, his concentration was already fucked, but Otabek knew he had ADHD. He would just have to deal with subjects changes a lot more often.

The fact that Yuri was feeling more depressed than he has ever felt in his life helped. He won't be in the mood to talk which will help him keep his mouth in check. He tends to have even less of a filter when he is off his meds.

At 7:17, Otabek stirred. He wasn't any closer to waking up. However, he did pull Yuri closer to him so that he was now half laying on him.

Yuri didn't mind. He put his cheek on Otabek's chest and listened to his heartbeat. He lifted the arm that was wrapped around him and turned it so that Otabek's arm was palm up.

His mood dipped even more when he saw the newer burns on Otabek's wrist. He was sad at first, thinking Otabek deserved better. And then he got angry. There was no doubt in his mind that Hayes was the one doing this. Once Otabek confesses, he will be able to help him out.

It was starting to get stuffy in the hotel room. Yuri wasn't sure if it was because how hot Otabek's skin was or if they forgot to turn to heater off last night.

The place wasn't as grand as he first thought. It was hard to put into words the difference between seeing this place drunk on wine and Otabek and seeing it the morning after. Gilded was the best way he could describe it.

The decorations were tacky. The paint was an ugly shade of purple. The sheets were too silky. The chandelier above the table was too big and the mirror above the bed was just too much. Who would want to look up and watch themselves sleep?

Yuri didn't get out of bed until 7:46. The only reason he did was he really had to pee. He grabbed his clothes and the small black bag from the foot of the bed before heading into the bathroom.

Otabek had planned ahead and packed a few essentials into one of his sisters old makeup bags. Just a tooth brush, toothpaste, stuff like that.

The shower wasn't nearly as fancy as the tub had been. One tap for hot, the other for cold. Yuri turned it into the middle before stepping in.

Hotel soap always made him feel rubbery. The residue it left made him feel like a plastic Ken doll. The worst was how the shampoo made his hair feel stringy and dead. But,being clean was better than being dirty.

He made sure to leave some soap for Otabek and turned off the water. He grabbed the toothbrush out of the bag and started brushing his teeth.

When Otabek walked in 10 minutes later, Yuri was still only wearing a pair of boxers. He had been too busy trying to do something with his hair to worry about clothes. Not that Otabek cared. He hoped right into the shower, not even waiting for Yuri to leave.

It really was like they were an old married couple. Except for the fact that neither of them said a word to each other. Yuri did his hair, and Otabek showered. They both got dressed, minus the leather jacket for Yuri this time.

After hearing Yuri's stomach rubble, they decided it would be best to head downstairs for some breakfast. Yuri didn't know if it was better or worse. A social setting like that would mean they would have to talk eventually. Yuri wasn't sure he could keep his manners in check.

They found a nice quiet spot in the back corner where they shouldn't be bothered. It was one of those buffet style breakfast, so they each did their own thing before going back to their table.

Yuri stared down at his plate, pretending that pouring syrup on his waffles was taking up all of his concentration. After taking a bite, he glanced up to see Otabek had been staring at him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, picking at his plate of eggs and bacon.

Yuri stared at him for a few seconds before picking up his cup of orange juice and taking a sip. "Do you want the truth?"

"Of course." He responded, voice getting softer as he did.

That just pissed Yuri off. He slammed his cup down on the table, getting drops of juice on the tablecloth. He crossed his arms, cocking an eyebrow in his friends direction.

"Bullshit. If I tell you the truth, you will start more drama than a fucking Kardashian."

Otabek responded with a stern look of his own. "I'm not the one staining the linen."

Oh, it was on.

"You want me to stain the fucking linen?" He spat, grabbing Otabek's glass of cranberry juice and throwing it at him, getting most of the contents onto the table.

He was being petty and he knew it. But he had meant every word that he had said last night. Shouting and throwing things at Otabek was the only thing keeping Yuri from crying on his shoulder.


	13. Luminous

"At least I can cross 'getting kicked out of a luxury hotel' off my bucket list." Otabek said as he shoved his bag in the compartment under the seat of his bike.

He was pissed. Really pissed. There was nothing he wanted to do more than scream at Yuri. But he wasn't going to do that. Yuri already looked like he was about to break.

The moment Otabek woke up in the morning, he knew today was going to be difficult. Or, better yet, Yuri would be. Once he gets in one of his moods, he will take it out on everyone until he feels better.

"Whatever." Yuri mumbled. "Where to now?"

Otabek shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. He was wearing his own jacket this time, and but his smokes back in the pockets. What generally needed was a smoke break.

And gas. They definitely needed to make a pit stop at a 7/11. It would give Otabek time to sneak off for a quick smoke.

Otabek would never admit it, but he drove even more carefully since Yuri wasn't wearing leather.

Gas was high. Not like Otabek was paying out of his pocket anyways. "Want a drink or anything?"

Yuri shook his head and looked at his phone. He has been receiving a lot of missed calls, too.

"Go call him. Tell him you are okay. I should probably do the same."

Yuri nodded and stayed near the bike. Otabek, wanting privacy, walked around the back of the gas station. His mom liked to talk, which would give him plenty of time for a cigarette break.

He took a cigarette out of his pack and set it in between his lips. He pulled his lighter out of his pocket, a plain white bic. He has had it for a while, so it took a few tries for it to light.

Otabek's favorite part of smoking was the first inhale of the day. Especially if he hadn't had a chance to smoke much the day before. All of his anxiety disappears along with the smoke rising in the air.

Calmer now, and in a more mellow mood, Otabek retrieves his phone from his pocket. He had avoided looking at it, already knowing it wouldn't be good.

37 missed calls. 11 text messages.

The first ones were from Hayes.

_I got a call from your school. What happened?_

_Where are you?_

_You better have a good excuse when you come home._

Riveting. He almost sounds worried. The next ones he opened were from his mom. He knew she would be worried, but hadn't thought to how she would react.

_Hayes said you were sent home, is everything alright?_

_Otabek?_

_Honey, you need to come home. We are worried._

_If you are in trouble, let us help you._

Otabek chewed on the filter of his cigarette. He knew she would be worried, so why put her through all of this? He should have called her sooner.

He had missed calls from Damira, too, and opened her messages next. She only left him 2.

_What happened??! Mama says you disappeared!_

_If something happened, you can tell me. I won't snitch on you._

Yeah, right. He has heard that one before. While he didn't want to hurt her, he wasn't in the mood to explain anything to her. It is not like she will understand anyways.

Much to his surprise, the last two messages were from Nikolai.

_Is Yuri with you?_

_I'm not mad, I just want to make sure he is safe._

Out of everyone Otabek considers family, Nikolai is the only one he trusts 100%. They have been through so much together, and he has turned into more of a father figure for Otabek than anyone else.

He has to hand it to the man; dealing with Otabek for all of these years couldn't have been easy. He always felt like he was intruding, but Nikolai and Viktoria treated him like he was one of their own. 

When Viktoria got sick, Otabek would spend more time at their place than his own. He would get her meds for her and would even cook and clean if Nikolai wasn't feeling up to it. Otabek didn't mind at all. He wanted Nikolai to be able to spend as much time with his wife as possible.

Otabek was 11 when Viktoria died. The cancer had spread, and they couldn't do anything. She passed away on a quiet Sunday afternoon while Otabek was on a grocery run.

The person that took her death the hardest was Yuri. He wasn't there, after all. No one had even told him she was sick.

Yuri didn't cry at the funeral. No, he waited until later that night, when he and Otabek were alone in Yuri's old bedroom. He cried himself to sleep in Otabek's arm, mourning her death.

Thinking of it still makes Otabek sad. Taking another drag from his cigarette, he pressed the call button next to his mother's name. She answered immediately.

"Otabek?? Otabek, honey, is everything okay??"

He could hear the worry and desperation in her voice. A new stab of guilt hit him, and he felt like the worst son in the world.

"I'm fine, Ma." He said. "I just needed a little break is all. I didn't mean to worry you."

He heard her sigh, could picture her sitting at the kitchen table, playing with the cord on the phone. She would tap her foot against the linoleum and keep her eyes trained on a stain on the table.

The worry didn't leave her voice, but she did sound calmer. "Is Yuri with you?"

Otabek paused. Ere was no point in lying to her, but for some reason he didn't want to tell her the truth. Both ends of the phone stayed silent before Otabek complied. 

"Yeah, he is."

Otabek expected his mom to scold him. To tell him it wasn't smart to run off with someone like Yuri. That Otabek was to come home immediately and would be punished to the extreme.

That is what Hayes would have done. But he wasn't talking to Hayes. He was talking to his mom.

His mom, who was there when Otabek and Yuri met. His mom, who knew how much the boys want to each other. His mom, who tried to give Otabek away to be with Yuri in the first place.

"Do you need any money? I don't know how long you plan on staying gone, but I don't want you two going hungry."

Otabek felt his heart swell. It is hard to ink that this is the same woman who used to be too drunk to make him dinner. Oh, how far they have come, and how much they have changed.

"We should be alright." He assured her. "I have some cash on me."

A little white lie never hurt nobody. She bought it, too, and told him to call if he needed anything. He promised to text her later that night, and again in the morning, so she can be sure he is okay.

He wasn't sure whether the phone call made him feel better or not. He tossed his burnt out cigarette to the ground before walking back to Yuri.

He was still on the phone when Otabek walked over, and it seemed to be going well. He was smiling, which was a good sign. They both had at least one person they could count on.

Otabek let him finish his conversation in private, opting to pay for the gas instead. He also grabbed Yuri's favorite chips and a bottle of water before heading out.

Their fight last night and this morning was far from over, but it was nothing they couldn't handle. They fight all the time. Besides, that is what this trip is for. They heed to figure out if their friendship is even worth fixing.


	14. Charcoal

There are moments in your life that you have to stop and think about what you did to get here. Even though every single thing you do affects your future, it is hard to figure out where you are at times, and who you have become.

Yuri has been trying to find himself lately. He wants to know who is he and what his contribution to the world is. Thinking about it too hard always leads to him having a panic attack in Emil's closet.

But he doesn't have Emil now. He has Otabek. He walks with confidence in a way that makes Yuri jealous. He has always had his life together, whereas Yuri has lived in a constant state of limbo.

Change is scary, but it is very important in life. Yuri knows this, and knows he can't keep living how he is. He alone has the power to change his future, and he needed to start now.

"Still have the list?" He asked as Otabek came back to him.

Otabek paused before pulling his wallet out of his pocket. He pulled out the folded up napkin and handed it to Yuri.

Yuri scanned over it, debating on which to do first. He smiled, and gave the list back to Otabek. "Alright. Teach me how to ride this thing."

Otabek didn't let him just ride off, of course. No, he took them to a back road, where Yuri won't have any distractions. He excitedly told him how and when to hold the clutch and how to break. 

After backing up a safe distance, Otabek shouted to Yuri. "Alright, just go whenever you are ready." 

If he was being honest, Yuri didn't really want to do this. He has heard of how many accidents happen on motorcycles, and road rash does not sound fun.

But he didn't have time to think of that. He focused on the vibration of the bike, the noise the engine made. The way the material of Otabek's gloved felt on his hands. The wide smile on Otabek's face as he watched in anticipation.

Before he could take himself out of it, Yuri took off. 

When he imagined what it would be like to do this for the first time, he imagined the scene from Twilight when Bella rode Jacobs bike. He expected himself to lose control instantly and to crash. What he didn't expect was the rush of pure adrenaline he felt as he glided across the pavement.

It was exhilarating. He felt the wind whipping at his skin, and knew why Otabek wore the gloves.

Yuri wanted to smile, but didn't want the risk getting bugs in his teeth. Instead, he sped up, listening to the sound of Otabek cheering him on.

He went all the way down the road, turned around, and came back. Breaking was a little tricky, and he panicked a bit as he had trouble getting the bike to slow down. When it finally did, Otabek ran over to him and helped him remove his helmet.

"So?" He asked. "What did you think?"

Yuri panted, feeling like he was just coming down to Earth. "I can see why you spend so much money on this thing."

His legs were shaking when he climbed off the bike, which only mad Otabek laugh. The sat down on the side of the road together, watching the clouds roll in over the mountains.

Even with how shitty he felt when he woke up, Yuri had to admit he had never felt so free. 

"I think it might snow soon." Otabek said as they were looking up at the sky.

Yuri hummed and looked down at his phone. "It's not cold enough yet. But it will rain tonight."

Otabek nodded and they watched as a flock of birds flew over and sat on the telephone wires. They looked like crows, but Yuri wasn't sure. It did give him a bad feeling.

"So, uh, where are we going to stay tonight?"

Otabek shrugged. "Too early to tell. We don't even know what town we will end up in.

"Might as well leave now, then."

So much for their break. It was nice, though. Sitting there freezing their ass's off wasn't hurting anything. Except their health, that is. But he will remember this moment for long after it has passed.

The truth is, you never realize you are making memories. You never stopped to think that what you are doing now will be cherished for years to come. The only thing on your mind is how alive you feel in this moment. 

Yuri spends so much time in the past, he forgets he has a future.

They hoped back on the bike and took off. Yuri was calmer now, more confident as he wrapped his arms around Otabek. He didn't know what today was going to bring, but he felt like whatever it was, they'd be able to handle it.  
    
    
    
"I can't do it."

Otabek sighed and pulled the napkin out of his wallet again. "Come on, Yura. You said you always wanted your nipples pierced.

As fate would have it, as they entered some random town in the outskirts of the woods, they came across a tattoo parlor. They can knock two out at once.

"I don't care. I can't do it. Not today." Yuri repeated, going white as a ghost as he looked at the needle that would be going into his body.

The man doing the piercings, Isaiah, was very nice about it. It nearly scared Otabek with how nice he was, considering the dude was over 6 foot and covered in tattoos.

"It doesn't hurt as bad as you think it will." He explained. "I got mine done when I was your age.

Yuri just shook his head again and even backed up. Otabek began to feel discouraged. He didn't want to be the only one getting something done.

Isaiah just put everything back and went back to the piercing stand. "I'll make you a deal. I'll only charge you $35 if you want another of the $60 piercings."

This seemed to make Yuri interested again. He nodded, and went back over to the stand. Otabek watched as he flipped through a few pictures before getting a wide grin on his face.

"Can I get my tongue pierced instead?"

Otabek smiled. "I think that should still count."

After they got payment over with, Yuri followed Isaiah up to the loft.

"We normally do piercings downstairs." Isaiah explained. "But Candy does the tattoos up here, and I imagine you two want this done together."

Otabek nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat as he sat down on the tattoo chair. Candy, the girl doing his tattoo, hadn't said a word to either of them. Her hair was a vibrant red and she had multiple face piercings.

Otabek didn't even know you could get the part of your nose in between your eyes pierced.

"What are you getting, Beka?" Yuri asked, voice a little shaky.

"It is going to be a surprise, but it will be on the inner part of my arm."

He had already drew it out for Candy, and she had it on a small table next to her. When she went to grab the ink, Otabek noticed that the back of her shirt said "Jesus is a cunt."

Well. She sure was intimidating.

Otabek was getting the tattoo on his left arm, so the right one was free for Yuri to hold onto. He seemed a lot more freaked out than Otabek, and his can be removed easily.

"I'm going to clean the needle in front of you so that I you know it is clean." Isaiah told Yuri as he started pulling out his supplies.

Candy only tapped Otabek's arm to get his attention, and when he nodded, she began.

A few of the people he knows at school have tattoos, all of them having different descriptions of the pain. One of the guys with the Nirvana logo on his shoulder said it felt like someone scratching him while he had a sunburn. However, one of the girls with an anchor on her foot described it as a knife cutting open her skin

To Otabek, it reminded him of an injury he had as a kid. It was back when his mom was drinking, and there were bottles of alcohol everywhere. He had accidentally knocked one over, and while cleaning it up, cut his palm on the broken glass. He waited until after cleaning up the mess to go take care of it, so some of the whiskey got into the cut.

That is what the pain of the tattoo felt like to him. Whiskey in an open wound.

He looked over at Yuri to distract himself, and they locked eyes. Yuri still looked pale and unsure but when Isaiah asked if he was ready, he squeezed Otabek's hand and nodded.

Otabek didn't know which hurt worse. The needles going in and out of his arm, or Yuri's death grip on his hand.


	15. Hazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Coby.

Yuri stood in front of the mirror, admiring his new piercing. It was just a silver ball in his mouth, but he looked like he was enjoying it.

It took Otabek a lot longer to get his tattoo done. It was fairly simple: just dots and lines. But they had to take breaks to make sure everything was going smoothly.

He wouldn't let Yuri look at it until it was done, which was making him impatient.

Yuri was still sitting to Otabek's right, holding his hand. Otabek was humming a tune as he watched Candy work. He felt Yuri gently move his thumb over Otabek's wrist in a soothing manor. 

Or, at least, he thought that is what he was doing.

"You still haven't told me where these came from." Yuri said, lightly running his fingers over the raised flesh.

He was looking at his burn scars.

Otabek flinched a little, but didn't stop him. He did stop humming, however, and just went quiet. Candy gave him a look, and he sighed.

"It's personal, Yura." He said. "It is best if you don't know."

Yuri didn't say anything else, but he didn't stop touching his wrist.

It wasn't that long afterwards that Candy cleaned him up and pulled away. "All done."

Otabek was a little startled, having assumed she couldn't speak. Slowly, he moved his arm back towards himself, and let Yuri take a look.

He hard a small gasp, and knew the tattoo had the desired effect.

"Is that Orion?" Yuri asked, stunned.

Otabek grinned and nodded. "It sure is. I thought it was fitting, you know? That was the best birthday I've ever had."

The tattoo really was simple. Dots for the stars that made up the constellation, and lines connecting them to show off the format. Candy did a great job with the shitty drawing he gave her.

Yuri wouldn't stop looking at it. If Otabek didn't know any better, he would say he was about to cry.

He cheeks stayed dry, however, and he pulled Otabek in for a hug instead.

Otabek didn't say anything. He would be lying if he said he didn't expect a similar reaction from him.

"I want to get one like that some day." Yuri whispered.

Otabek smiled and pulled away. "For now, you just get to have a bad ass tongue ring."

Yuri's eyes instantly lit up and he stuck his tongue out. 

They stayed for a little while longer, gathering information on aftercare and signs of infection. Yuri was devastated to find out he can't drink for the next month. 

Other than that, everything seemed pretty easy. Otabek is supposed to keep his tattoo moist to prevent irritation, and he can't remove the covering for the first 6 hours.

After thanking Isaiah and Candy, they left the shop. Both of them were in a better mood, although a little sore. Yuri took out a pen from his pocket and grabbed the list out of Otabek's wallet, marking the two off.

"What is next on the list?" 

Yuri looked down at the napkin and scanned through the scratched out words. "With the tattoo and piercing crossed out, the next would be...you telling me about your burns."

Otabek put his hands in his pockets. "Let's take a break, then. I need some coffee"

The look Yuri gave him made it obvious that he wasn't going to drop this. They found a small coffee shop down the road that was connected to a bookstore. Yuri wasn't supposed to eat or drink anything yet, so he browsed the books as Otabek drank his coffee.

He took his time, contemplating on what he was going to say when Yuri brought up his burns again. He knew he couldn't get out of it; they were halfway through with the list, and this was the easiest of the three left.

Yuri had looked so happy in the tattoo parlor. Otabek didn't want to upset him with the truth. 

He could always lie. Even the thought made him sick to his stomach with guilt, but he might have to. Just to save Yuri from getting upset.

Otabek sighed and threw his cup away. He walked over to where Yuri was flipping through a Batman comic book.

"The Killing Joke was my favorite." He told him, sitting on the floor next to him.

Yuri hummed. "I've never read one of these before."

Otabek chuckled and picked one at random from the shelf. They sat next to each other reading for a while. A few people walked by them, but no one disturbed them.

After 10 mimites, Otabek thought he was in the clear. That is when Yuri decided to speak.

"Was it Hayes?"

Otabek bit his lip and decided to play dumb. "Was what Hayes?"

"You know what, asshat." Yuri closed his book and put it back on the shelf before turning to Otabek. "Was he the one who burned you?"

As easy as it would have been to throw Hayes under the bus, Otabek couldn't do it. He shook his head and closed his own book. "No, Yura. It wasn't Hayes."

"Then, who was it?"

"Can we talk about this later?" Otabek asked. "Please?"

Yuri narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "I know you. You will just brush it off again."

He wasn't wrong. Otabek was planning on misdirecting him for as long as he could. They were just making too much progress to have such a set back.

"Tell me where the burns came from, Otabek." Yuri demanded.

He couldn't hide it forever. With a sigh, Otabek stood up. "Come on...let's go for a walk, yeah?"

Yuri looked confused, but nodded. He got up and followed Otabek out the door. 

It was cold, and the sky was still gray. It hadn't rained yet, though. They were still ahead of that storm.

This town wasn't familiar to either of them, so they just wondered down the block. It would suck to get lost and not be able to find the bike. Otabek just wanted to give them some privacy.

He found what looked like an old park. It was nothing special; just a couple swings and a slide. There were no kids around, so Otabek climbed up and sat on the steps leading up to the slide.

Yuri stood in front of him, having to look down due to where Otabek was sitting. Otabek found it ironic and didn't move up.

Yuri's arms were still crossed. "Well?"

"We have all day, Yuri." Otabek said, but pulled his pack of cigarette out of his pocket anyways.

Yuri watched him as he pulled a single cigarette out of the pack and lit it. No matter how hypocritical it made him sound, Yuri didn't hide his disdain. "I didn't know you smoked."

Otabek shrugged and took a drag. "Bad habit, I know."

"Fucking menthols, too?" He snarled. "What the fuck?"

Scoffing, Otabek blew the smoke away from his friend. "I don't need a stoner patronising me for smoking."

Instead of getting mad like Otabek expected, Yuri just nodded. "Fair enough."

Yuri stood there and watched Otabek smoke. It was a little awkward, but Otabek was shaking already and needed something to calm him down. He knew it was stupid, and smoking will slow down the healing process of his tattoo. But he needed to be in a better headspace if he was going to open up to Yuri.

Getting impatient, Yuri started to rant. He paced back in forth as he complained about everything. Otabek's attitude, his dishonesty, his mood swings. Basically anything that came to his mind.

"I just feel like I don't know who you are anymore. You never used to smoke! And I'm sick and tired of pretending I don't notice when you have fresh burns on your wrists. But no, you don't trust me enough to tell me it was-"

Otabek had to shout to cut him off. "It was me, Yura!"

Yuri stopped pacing and turned to look at Otabek. He looked confused, genuinely confused. "What?"

Otabek sighed and flicked his cigarette into the dirt. "It was me. The burns are from me."

The younger teen was standing there looking like a fish out of water. He kept opening and closing his mouth, notl knowing what to say.

It's not like Otabek blamed him. It was kind of a lot to take in. Yuri had such high hopes for him, and really believed that it was Hayes behind it.

"What do you mean?" Yuri asked. He didn't even wait for a response and went over, grabbing Otabek's arm and pushing up his sleeve. "You did this?"

Otabek was so ashamed he couldn't even look up from the ground. He nodded, and pulled his arm back, rolling his sleeve back down.

He has heard many stories of people getting caught doing what he does. All of the stories end the same. The person that found out being shocked and hurt and asked, "Why?". They always ask "Why?".

That is why it shocked Otabek so much when Yuri finally did speak.

"Pass me a smoke?"


	16. Grey Goose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are just going to get worse from here on

"What are we doing, Otabek?"

"Sitting on a swing set, smoking cigarettes."

Yuri glared at him, flicking the ashes towards the ground. The swings were old and the chains were covered in rust. Every time one of them moved too much, it would make an ugly screech.

"Yeah, I know." Yuri spat. "I meant, what are we doing here? Why did you come get me in the first place?"

Otabek shrugged and stomped his finished cigarette out with his boot. "Why did you agree to come?"

"Touché."

If he was being honest, Yuri had no idea why he agreed to go with Otabek. He had no reason to. Otabek was the one that fucked up, not him

But who could resist Otabek's puppy dog eyes?

That's what was bothering him. Otabek had everything. He had a decent family, he was hot as fuck, and he had the best personality ever. So why would he want to burn his skin?

Yuri didn't think it was because Otabek hated himself. He never showed signs of depression. In fact, when they saw each other during summer, Otabek didn't have anything on his wrist.

That means he started doing this after him and Yuri got in a fight.

"Are the burns," Yuri started, swallowing the lump in his throat, "because of me?"

Otabek looked over and frowned. "Why would you think that?"

"Just tell me."

Otabek moved his gaze to the ground, watching the shadow move on the grass. His silence was the only answer Yuri needed.

Looking up at the sky, Yuri felt the first drop of the night. It landed on his cheek, right under his eye. A few moments later, he felt another one on the back of his hand.

"Why don't we find a cheap hotel for the night?" Otabek suggested as he stood up. "Just to get out of the rain."

Yuri nodded and let Otabek help him up. They hurried over to the motorcycle and hopped on, speeding off down the road.

They were making progress with the list. Over half of the objectives have already been crossed off. The only two things left are Yuri, and them.

Otabek wasn't stupid. He knew that Yuri will want to talk more about the burns later. For now, he will just have to be patient. It took a lot for Otabek to just tell him the truth. It will take more for him to open us as to why he does it.

On the outskirts of the city was an old motel. It was small, but the vacancy sign was on. No more fancy hotels.

The price of the room was less than a fourth of what the other one had been. Neither of them minded. They got their stuff and hurried into the room, shutting,it behind them.

"I feel like a wet dog." Yuri complained as he took off his boots.

Otabek chuckled. "You look like a wet dog."

Yuri flipped him off and flopped down on the bed. They had two of them this time, so they each got their own.

He watched Otabek move around the room, looking at everything. He watched him carefully, almost instinctively at this point.

When Otabek turned to face him, Yuri didn't even try to hide the fact that he had been staring.

"Want me to go pick up something to eat?" Otabek asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Yuri nodded. "I saw a Chinese place two blocks over. Hurry back."

Otabek smiled and left the room. Yuri sighed and waited until he heard the sound of the bike leaving the parking lot.

Bored, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned it on. He had been texting his grandfather, telling him he was alright. Viktor he just ignored.

Much to his surprise, Emil had texted him.

_What happened to you?_

Yuri sighed and typed back a quick response. He expected people to be worried, but it wasnt like he planned for any of this to happen.

When he opened his Snapchat, was bombarded with multiple messages from different people at his school. He felt too lazy to reply to them all and instead had an idea.

He stood up and walked to the motel bathroom. He took off his hoodie, grateful that he had stolen Otabeks jacket. He put it on, but left his chest bare.

Yuri had put his hair up in a half bun earlier that morning, and with the busy day they had, most of it fell. It gave him the perfect messy look he was going for.

Yuri pointed his camera towards the mirror. He angled his body so that his torso was exposed along with his legs. He tilted his head to the side and stuck out his tongue, showing off the silver ball.

He snapped the picture and typed in the caption before posting it.

_Otabek spoils me #soulmate #blessed_

He wasn't even sure why he was in the mood for causing trouble.

He went ahead and posted it to his Instagram, too. He felt a little guilty for tagging Otabek without permission, but he didnt care. Otabek rarely minded when he did shit like that anyways.

Yuri didn't even bother changing as he flopped back on his bed. He went through his Snapchat, watching videos of fights he missed at his school.

It has only been a couple days that he bad been gone. It is not like he missed anything important. Everyone thinks he went off the rails, though.

Maybe they aren't wrong. Yuri has already changed so much. He spends two days alone with Otabek and he already is posting pictures of himself looking like a whore.

With the places his mind was wandering, he really wished he had his meds.

He was still in just the leather jacket and his leggings when Otabek came back. He was saying something as he walked in the door but stopped completely when he saw Yuri.

Yuri couldn't help but smirk. "What? Like what you see?"

"That is my jacket."

Otabek set the food down on the foot of the bed, watching as Yuri moved over to grab it.

"I know." He replied, digging into the container of fried rice. "I wanted to look sexy for Instagram."

Otabek rolled his eyes and climbed onto the bed across from Yuri. He was picking at his food more than he was eating it. Yuri could tell there was something on his mind.

Of course, this led to overthinking and his mood being ruined. He watched as Otabek pushed his food around the container as he was shoveling his own face full of food. Feeling guilty, he lowered the box and swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Is everything alright?" He asked cautiously. 

Otabek looked up, having not been paying attention. "What? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

"I can hear your stomach growling from here, yet you arent eating a thing." Yuri started, setting his box down. "Look, if you are upset because of the burns-"

"I dont care about that." 

The tone in his voice made Yuri think otherwise, but he knew better to poke a sleeping bear.

"Fine. If it isn't the burns, then what made you so pissy?"

Looking back, Yuri will probably never be proud of this moment. The shitty greenish lighting coming from the night stand lamps. The damp, moldy smell that stuck to everything in the hotel. The lingering taste of rice on his tongue.

Nothing about this moment screamed romance. Yet, for some reason, Otabek thought this would be the best time to lean in and press his lips against Yuri's.

To make matters even worse, all one woukd have to do woul be examine Yuri reaction. Otabek, Yuri's soulmate, was kissing him. This was a completely normal thing for soulmate to do. Punching said person, however, was not.


	17. Outcasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! Had a lot if bad weather that knocked my power out. I will try to update on Sunday again, but I lost a lot of my work so it might be a while. The fic is coming to an end, and I feel like it isnt coming together like I had hoped. Oh well.
> 
> I have 2 other fics I am working on and thinking of publishing. One is Otabek/Yuri, and the other is Mila/Sara
> 
> Warning: Angst ahead

The sound of skin hitting skin. The bones in Yuri's hand colliding against Otabek's cheek bone. The sound of a pained grunt came from Otabek before the rustle of fabric and a thud.

Rubbing his cheek where Yuri hit him, Otabek looked down at Yuri. After the initial shock of the punch faded, Otabek shoved him off the bed and onto the floor.

Yuri looked very much like an angry kitten, glaring at him will spralled out on the floor.

The whole left side of Otabek's face was throbbing, but it was nothing compared to the tightening of his chest.

"Why did you hit me?" He asked, alarmed.

Yuri snarled, actually snarled, and hardebed his glare. "Why the fuck did you kiss me?"

"Becuse I wanted to?" Otabek was genuinely confused. He thought Yuri wanted this.

"Jesus christ..." Yuri muttered. He paused, eyes locked with Otabek's, before he slowly stood up.

What seemed like a brief moment of vulnerability was instantly replaced with more rage. Yuri stomped over, put his hands on Otabek's shoulders, and shoved. 

"You can't do that, Otabek!"

Otabek caught himself from falling back and grabbed Yuri's wrist as he stood up. "Do what? I used to kiss you all the time!" 

If Otabek didn't know Yuri as well as he did, he would have thought the anger he was showing was real. While it is true that Yuri is a violent person, he does not get angry just for the fun of it. He actually hates it when he snaps at people.

However, he hates crying in front of people more.  He had a habit of turning his sadness into anger and screaming at everyone he could. But the tears building up in his eyes didn't lie.

Otabek tried to think of this as Yuri's fist connected with his nose.

"You can't kiss me like it means something!" Yuri screamed, breathing heavily. 

Blood was trickling down from Otabek's nose, but he focused on the first tear rolling down Yuri's cheek instead.

"Yuri, it does mean something to me." Otabek explained, trying to keep his voice soft. "That is why I kissed you."

Yuri's eyes seemed to light up in anger. Otabek prepared himself for another punch. Pain like that was normal for him. That was something he could handle.

Yuri running out of the motel room, however, was not.

The sound of Otabeks heart beating resembled the aound of Yuri's feet on the wet pavement as he ran out onto the parming lot. Otabek was stunned, not too sure what was going in. His lips still tibgled from when they were pressed against Yuri's. His head was fuzzy, so it took a minute process what was going on.

As soon as he figured it out, he was running outside and into the ran. He saw Yuri in the middle of the parking lot, making his way to the road.

"Yuri!" Otabek shouted, running over. "Yuri, where are you going?"

"Home!"

He only sped up when Otabek caught up to him, but he didnt falter. He only stopped when Otabek grabbed his arms and made him stop. Even as close as he was, it was hard to tell whether the,moisture on Yuri's face was from the rain or not.

"What do you mean you are going home?" Otabek asked, slightly out of breath.

Yuri tried to start walking again. "I am going to hitch a ride, with someone that won't randomly kiss me for no reason."

Yuri was shivering. He was still wearing Otabek's jacket, and seeing him like this was making Otabek want to cry. He himself was only in a thin white t-shirt, yet felt invincible to the cold.

"Just come back inside and we can talk about this!" He pleaded, not bothering hiding the desperation in his voice.

"I am done taking!" Yuri snapped, ripping his arm away from Otabek. "All we have been doing is talking, and it has gotten us nowhere!"

Yurics voice was starting to crack. It only did that when he was very upset. Otabek hasn't seen him like this in a very long time, and he never wanted to be in this position again.

Even though all he wanted to do was scream, Otabek swallowed his pride and lowered his voice. He hoped Yuri would hear the sincerity in the words he was saying. 

"Talking only helps if you talk about something important. The wheather isn't going to fix the gap between us."

Yuri shook his head and wiped at his cheeks. It wasn't rain keaving tracks there, then. He crossed his arms and it took him a second to even look at Otabek again.

"Why did you kiss me, Otabek?" He asked, hurt evident in his voice.

This was his chance. Otabek had the oppurtunity to fix everything. All he had to do was choose his words right. This, of course, was something he was never good at doing.

"Because I love you."

The next punch left his ears ringing. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do when he got home. If he got home, that is. He'd rather drive his motorcycle off a bridge then go home without Yuri.

"Don't." Yuri was shaking his head again. His lip even quivered as he started backing up. "Don't say that, Otbek."

"But it is true." He was almost begging at this point.

He didn't care that he brought this on himself. He didn't care that he was making a fool of himself. He didn't care that Yuri punched him again, this time in the stomach.

As Yuri went to hit him again, Otabek grabbed his arms and pukled him into his chest. It felt just like the previous night, when they were drunk and Yuri was crying in his arms.

Only, this time, Otabek was crying, too.

"You can't, you can't do things like that, Otabek." Yuri was sniffling and choking on his words. "You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay."

"Why not? I love you, Yuri. I always have." Otabek was talking as though there was a candle inches from his mouth. If he spoke to fast or too hard, the flame would go out. 

He couldn't let the flame go out.

Yuri tightened his grip on Otabeks arms and buried his face in his chest. "That is not who we are."

Otabek thought back to when they were kids. They had been sitting on Nikolai's couch, while Otabek's mom was meeting Yuri's grandparents. They had agreed that they would do the whole relationship part of the soul mates. They agreed they would judt be friends.

They were only kids. They didn't know anything about love. Yuri can't still be following the pact they made when they were children, right? 

They were grown up now. They were allowed to be together. It was expected of them, really.

Was that what Yuri hated? That they would just end up like everyone else? Otabek didn't really mind, as long as he was with Yuri ever day.

"I dont care, Yuri!" Otabek said, pulling away. He cupped Yuri's face and looked into his eyes. "All I want is for you to love me back."

The anger returned, but Yuri didn't raise his fist. No, instead, he shoved Otabek away and started cursing.

"You fucking asshole! You can't treat me like shit and expect me to love you back! That kiss was, what, an apology?"

Otabek didn't think he treated Yuri poorly. He had always been nice. Whatever Yuri wanted, he gave him. Whatever he needed, Otabek was there.

Yuri wasn't making sense, and the words he was saying hurt. He couldn't mean them. He just couldn't.

"What do I have to do to make you understand? What can I do to make you believe that you are everything to me?"

Yuri narrowed his eyes, but didn't move away. Otabek took that as a good sign and continued.

"Look, I know I am terrible at these sorts of things. I don't talk enough, and I shut my emotions off to much. But you have to believe me when I say you mean the world to me.

"I stopped going to church when I realized my Heaven was here on Earth with you. Whether I love you because we are bonded or because of hormones, I don't give a shit!"

Otabek took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes. He hated crying, hated showing that vulnerbility. But if it got Yuri to listen to him, then it was worth it.

"I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be. But when I am with you, it all makes sense. I dont want that to go away."

Yuri stared at him for a long time. So long that Otabek was left counting his heartbeats, waiting for a reaction.

He realizes now how selfish he had been. This entire trip was his idea. He just wanted an excuse to fix things between them, and to see if the feelings he had for Yuri were real.

He didn't stop to think that he may very well lose his best friend by doing this.

"Take me home, Otabek." Yuri said, pulling the leather jacket tighter around him. "Please. I want to be alone for a while."


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! It was originally going to be the final chapter, but it got so long so it is now at least 2 chapters.

Concentrate. Yuri had to concentrate. One wrong move, and he was screwed.

He narrowed his eyes and bite his lip, trying to decide whether his aim was off or not. He must have calculated the trajectory in his head a million times, but that was before Mila brought out the tequila.

Yuri held his breath, and shot the ping pong ball. It flew across the table and bounced on the rim of the cup, but eventually went in. Everyone around the tables began to scream.

It has been a month since Yuri last saw Otabek. He should know, because he counted. He had 27 tally marks on the back of his hand. At this point, he couldn't remeber if that was how many days it has been or how many drinks he has had.

Truth was, his life had been one party after another for the past two weeks. He had never been this bad before. He doesn't even bother going to class anymore. Nikolai stopped calling, and Yuri wasnt even sure where his phone was.

What he did know was that his cup was empty. He passed the ping pong ball to his partner and left in search of the kitchen. 

With one hand on the wall, Yuri made his way down the hallway. He wasn't sure if the kitchen was the first door on the left or second door on the right. He already passed both of them, so he decided to keep going. The house was huge; Mila probably had five kitchens.

Yuri heard commotion coming from the door on his right and decided to go in. The door was unlocked, and no one looked twice as Yuri walked in.

It took him a minute to figure out what he was looking at. Parties like this can get wild. Yuri couldn't even count how many times he has walked in on some drunk teenagers having sex.

But there wasn't anyone having sex in this room. While he did find himself in one of the many bedrooms, there wasn't even anyone in the bed. There were only 4 people in the room and they were all next to the window.

"Shut the door, would ya?" One of the girls said. She was skinny, a lot skinnier than the girls Yuri was used to seeing. She was wearing a dark plaid skirt and had eyeliner smeared up to her eyebrows. 

Yuri didn't dare go against her orders. Even though she looked like a tooth pick, Yuri was sure she could probably kill him. She had fire coming out of her hand.

Wait, fire? Our of her hand? Yuri had to be seeing things. He walked forward to get a closer look and noticed that the window was open. He could feel the chill from here, but none of the others seemed to notice.

The flame in the girls hand died down only to light back up again. Yuri recognized the sparks as the lighter she was holding flickered before lighting. A lighter. That was where the fire was coming from.

Was she lighting a fire to keep warm? Yuri thought it would be a better idea to just shut the window. The draft is the only reason the room was as cold as it was.

Still, Yuri was curious. They had to have their reasons for gathering around an open window to play with a lighter. Yuri does that every time he visits Nikolai, to make sure his room doesn't smell of smoke.

"You guys smoking?" Yuri asked, walking closer.

A couple of them snickered, but Yuri wasn't sure if it was directed to each other or him. They hadn't asked him to leave yet, so that was a good sign.

He hoped they were smoking pot. While a cigarette would be good right now, he doesn't want that reminder of Otabek in his lungs.

Weed was good. It made him happy and calm and sometimes sleepy. If he was asleep, he wouldn't think of Otabek. Even if Otabek did cross his mind while he was high, it was stupid things. The way his hair looks when he runs. The specks of black and gold in his eyes during the Summer. How his lips are never chapped, even though he hates Chapstick.

Yuri loved thinking of Otabek when he was high. He hated thinking about him while drunk. It made him think of things that mad him want to jump off a bridge.

Mostly, he replays the scene in the motel parking lot over and over again in his head. He thinks of every detail of Otabeks face, how his cheek bones felt when they collided with Yuri's knuckles.

Digging his fingernails into his palm, Yuri sat down next to one of the boys in the group. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his hair was tomato red and styled in a Mohawk. He didn't even look Yuri's way.

Sighing, Yuri took a deep breath in through his nose and immediately regretted the decision. The guy next to him was wearing too much cologne. It stunk, too. Like burning plastic and something sweet.

Yuri blames the cheap booze and poor lighting on why he didn't realize what they were smoking before they pulled it out. He should have payed attention to their blown pupils and chapped lips before hand.

Sadly, he didn't realize they were smoking meth until he saw the tiny crystal inside the glass pipe. He immediately felt out of place. Weed and whiskey were one thing. But, meth? That was a whole other level.

He needed to leave. Now. He cleared his throat and looked around, laughing awkwardly. "Yeah, I think my friend is looking for me..."

He didn't even stand up fully when one of the guys to his left grabbed him and dragged him back down.

"You can't leave yet." The guy explained, taking the pipe from the girl. "Dont want that door open."

Yuri swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He didn't want to be there. This kind of stuff freaked him out. Otabek would lose his shit if he knew.

All he had to do was sit there and wait. The smokers would be done with their thing soon. Yuri sat there impatiently and picked at his clothes. He has never felt more uncomfortable in his life.

If someone had told him three months ago that he would be spending his Tuesday night watching strangers smoke meth, he would have broken their nose. That seems to be part of his crazy life now. Insane parties every day with fleeting thoughts of Otabek.

The girl in the plaid skirt coughed as she exhaled, earning dirty looks from the others in the room. She flipped them off and passed the pipe to Yuri.

It felt warm. That was to be expected with the usage it was getting out of it. His mouth suddenly felt very dry. Before he had a chance to do or say anything, the door opened.

"Jaz, what did I tell you about smoking that shit in here?" Mila said as she walked in the door.

Yuri felt his heart drop into his stomach. He panicked and tossed the pipe into the guy next to hims hands. He wasnt quick enough, though, and heard Mila stomping over to him.

"Oh, HELL NO." She shouted, grabbing Yuri by the back of the shirt and lifting him up. "You are NOT doing that shit. I don't care how fucked up you are."

She dragged him out of the room and into the hallway. He could hear her yelling at everyone that got in their way as she dragged Yuri upstairs. 

This wasn't fair. Yuri wasn't even smoking. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Of course, Mila didn't care. She sat him in her bed and starting screaming at him.

"I can't believe you would be so reckless!"

Yuri played with his hands and stared at the floor. It would be easier to let her rant then to try to explain himself. Still, he wasnt really listening. Only caught parts here and there.

"I know you have been having a hard time lately, but you pushed it too far." She said, on the verge of tears. "I am not going to be an enabler."

He had to admit, he probably did push it too far. He couldn't even remember the last time he was sober. God only knows what all is in his system right now.

Mila sighed, picking up on the fact that Yuri wasn't listening. "I'm sorry, Yuri. I'm calling someone to come pick you up."

Guess the parties over, then. Mila left the room, leaving Yuri alone. He flopped backwards on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

He could still hear the music and feel the bass from the speakers downstairs. It was muffled, but he could still tell what song it was.

Mila liked playing weird indie type songs at her parties. Half the time, it is something no one would be able to dance to. Bands like The Neighborhood and Lana Del Ray don't make music meant for parties.

Yet, when Yuri closed his eyes, he could hear the mellow tone of _Daddy Issues_ playing downstairs. Everything felt heavy, and he tried to focus on the music. It was better that thinking about the situation he was in.

When sleep came, Yuri welcomed it. He didn't doze off completely, most likely was nodding off from the hydros he took. What he does know was he woke up to the sound of the bedroom door slamming shut. _Daddy Issues_ was over, and some more upbeat song was playing.

Mila said she was calling someone to pick him up. She wouldn't call one of their friends; she knows Yuri would just go to another party. She would have to call someone that would take him home.

"Save it, Vitya. I don't want to hear it." Yuri said as he sat up. Only, when he locked eyes with the person standing at the foot of the bed, he saw that it wasn't Viktor.

It was Otabek. And he was pissed.


End file.
